[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

We’re on the same wavelength here for sure, David. I listened to both those songs right after reading this poem.

I'm happy to be on that wavelength with you, Carl. I think we're on the right one.

[Mark McDonnell]

Hi Jan,

I seem to remember this one from a while back, though perhaps you've changed it somewhat (or perhaps I'm hallucinating). Anyway, I really like it. The chaotic domestic scene brought a Dylan song to my mind too: "On The Road Again", the one with all this stuff going on:


Well, I wake up in the morning,
there's frogs in my socks
Your mama, she's hidin'
inside the icebox
Your daddy comes in, wearin'
a Napoleon Bonaparte mask

though the tone of your poem is much darker than Bob's playful surrealism.

I love the accumulation of details and the way the stanzas lengthen by one line each time, like a runaway train. With that in mind, I wonder if you need the full-stop before the last line of S2? Might it be better as

and her Dad’s dead drunk
and the drought goes on
and the trees are chasing the dog.

Mark

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Mark McDonnell

The chaotic domestic scene brought a Dylan song to my mind too: "On The Road Again", the one with all this stuff going on:


Well, I wake up in the morning,
there's frogs in my socks
Your mama, she's hidin'
inside the icebox
Your daddy comes in, wearin'
a Napoleon Bonaparte mask

though the tone of your poem is much darker than Bob's playful surrealism.

Yes, I had that one in mind too, although I couldn't quite place it. Definitely something on Bringing It All Back Home, though.

There's a kitchen in that one too.

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Hi David, Carl and Mark,

My thanks.

David you have me pondering what the term could be lol

Any Dylan here is subliminal in the extreme.

Mark I probably did post this some time in the past. I was never happy with S3 I feel I am closer now. That end of S2 has been in the see-saw for quite a while.

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Jan Iwaszkiewicz

David you have me pondering what the term could be lol

I couldn't remember, so I searched for "Australian hooligan" - so larrikin? I'm not sure that's what I was thinking of. Is there an Aussie synonym for that?

Maybe it was larrikin.

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Yes an Irish-Australian term said to men derived from the Irish pronunciation of ‘larking’