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  #1  
Unread 01-13-2020, 10:39 PM
Mary Meriam's Avatar
Mary Meriam Mary Meriam is offline
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Strange Disasters

1
You rap the tinker toy, you blast the jet.
But isn’t wonder what you wanted still?
An insect’s instinct infiltrates, and yet
you rap the tinker toy, you blast the jet.
It isn’t fun to kill your silhouette.
The shoreline tarts the judge’s sleeping pill.
You rap the tinker toy, you blast the jet,
but isn’t wonder what you wanted still?

2
You two look good tonight. This party rocks.
You got your rocks. You wear them like a ring.
You ring the porter, check her slutty fox.
You two look good. Tonight this party rocks.
Last night it rocked a vernal equinox.
What baby wouldn’t knock? So good your thing,
you two. Looking good tonight. This party rocks
you. Got your rocks you. Wear them like a ring.

3
They found their way, they found you in
a lake - a house - a tree - a boat
with little you, with you too thin.
They found their way, they found you in.
The singer wants this single sin
forgiven, but the they would float,
they found their way, they found you in
a lake - a house - a tree - a boat.


~~~
added title

Last edited by Mary Meriam; 01-14-2020 at 09:01 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 01-14-2020, 01:19 AM
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R. S. Gwynn R. S. Gwynn is online now
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You ring the porter, check her slutty fox.

Sounds retro, like a party at Nick and Nora Charles' apartment. Maybe it is.

The shoreline tarts the judge’s sleeping pill.

A mystery.

Last edited by R. S. Gwynn; 01-14-2020 at 07:39 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 01-14-2020, 04:59 AM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Hi Mary,

I think this works very well. I remember the middle triolet that you posted on its own recently. I liked it then, and I like it better as part of this sequence, now playing off the other two; the final triolet works to call into question any straightforwardly celebratory reading of the second triolet that was possible when it was on its own. In combination there's a suggestion of a story unfolding, far from spelled out, but with enough hints that I'm rereading and pondering.

One thought at this point. A possible variation or 3L3 might be:

.................................a boat
with little you in, way too thin.

If you like the repetition of "you in" and "way". Or "far too thin" for the alliteration with 'found' in the next line.

I guess there might be a possibility of finding a way to get more variation into the first. Thought against there's probably also a case for having it show the form without variation, it being the first in the sequence.

I did wonder about something like:

You rap the tinker toy, you blast the jet.
But it's not wonder. Do you want that still?

Which may be no good at all.

best,

Matt
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  #4  
Unread 01-14-2020, 02:38 PM
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R. Nemo Hill R. Nemo Hill is offline
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Dangerous Sequence

Nemo
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  #5  
Unread 01-14-2020, 09:17 PM
Mary Meriam's Avatar
Mary Meriam Mary Meriam is offline
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Thanks for the title prompt, Nemo. I'm trying "Strange Disasters."

Thanks, Matt. My aim with these triolets is to travel such a vast distance from the first line that the last two repetends seem completely new to the reader. In #1, I didn't want to use any repetend variations.

It's a mystery to me too, Sam. I agree that line sounds retro - I mostly wanted to use words that sound or look close to other words, like party/porter, along with just repeating the same words.

I wrote #3 on 12/29/19, then on 1/4/20, saw that Jorie Graham had a poem with “the they” in POETRY. I made a note of these dates because it startled me so much, and just in case anyone says I got it from her. I didn't!! Then I googled it, and saw that Martin Heidegger's term "the they" was meant to refer to "ordinary people who go about their everyday lives with no philosophical awareness of their existence."

Should I write more of these, make the sequence longer? I'm deliberately not trying to tie them together, to see where it might all go, if I decide to keep writing them. It was astute of you to read my mind, Matt: "a suggestion of a story unfolding, far from spelled out."

Thanks,
Mary
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  #6  
Unread 01-18-2020, 08:54 AM
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Andrew Mandelbaum Andrew Mandelbaum is offline
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Hey Mary.
It is interesting how placing the second one in between those two others changes adjusts a piece, that by itself, seemed out of key with your work. Now if you read each triolet as a line in one piece it the "party" is almost indicted by what it overlooked taking place in the world of the sequence. Also each piece is as disjointed from the others as each line is from each other is in the isolated triolets.

I do find myself able to imagine a narrative joining them but am conscious while doing that how much my own assumptions, tastes, and need for narrative is driving that process.

I do think you should see how far it can go. Eight line poems. Eight triolet sequence?
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