Draft 5
The Fair Youth’s Complaint
Well, Bill,
your sonnets finally got to me,
With all their pressures to impress my seal
On waxen fruits that fruit eternally,
Et cetera, so forth, you know the spiel.
Enticed by your advice I grabbed a wife
With features fairly fine but not so strong
That they might mask my own engrafted life,
So sweetly celebrated in your song.
She birthed a boy. I staked and pruned him well;
I snipped and shaped his soul to match my own.
He blossomed, and I watched a false fruit swell
Where my full-bodied likeness should have grown —
Engorged with glory, bitter, seeping scorn.
If
that were me, I’d wish myself unborn!
Changes since last draft:
L12 colon to em-dash
L13 em-dash to period
L14 “An aberration better left unborn” —> “If that were me, I’d wish myself unborn!”
******
Draft 4
The Fair Youth’s Complaint
Well, Bill,
your sonnets finally got to me,
With all their pressures to impress my seal
On waxen fruits that fruit eternally,
Et cetera, so forth, you know the spiel.
Enticed by your advice I grabbed a wife
With features fairly fine but not so strong
That they might mask my own engrafted life,
So sweetly celebrated in your song.
She birthed a boy. I staked and pruned him well;
I snipped and shaped his soul to match my own.
He blossomed, and I watched a false fruit swell
Where my full-bodied likeness should have grown:
Engorged with glory, bitter, seeping scorn —
An aberration better left unborn.
Changes since last draft:
L11 “then” —> “and”
L11 “bad fruit” —> “false fruit”
L12 comma changed to colon at end of line
L14 “my opposite, and” —> “an aberration”
L14 “never born” —> “left unborn”
******
Draft 3
The Fair Youth’s Complaint
Well, Bill,
your sonnets finally got to me,
With all their pressures to impress my seal
On waxen fruits that fruit eternally,
Et cetera, so forth, you know the spiel.
Enticed by your advice I grabbed a wife
With features fairly fine but not so strong
That they might mask my own engrafted life,
So sweetly celebrated in your song.
She birthed a boy. I staked and pruned him well;
I snipped and shaped his soul to match my own.
He blossomed, then I watched a bad fruit swell
Where my full-bodied likeness should have grown,
Engorged with glory, bitter, seeping scorn —
My opposite, and better never born.
*****
Draft 2
The Fair Youth’s Complaint
Well, Bill,
your sonnets finally got to me,
With all their pressure to impress my seal
On waxen fruits that fruit eternally,
Et cetera, so forth, you know the spiel.
Enticed by your advice I grabbed a wife
With features fairly fine but not so strong
That they might mask my own engrafted life,
So sweetly celebrated in your song.
She birthed a boy. I staked and pruned him well;
I snipped and shaped his soul to match my own.
He blossomed — and I watched a bad fruit swell
Where my full-bodied likeness should have grown,
Engorged with self-importance, seeping scorn,
With bitter core, and better never born.
Edits to this draft:
Changed title from "The Fair Youth's Regret" to "The Fair Youth's Complaint"
L6 “fine” was “nice”
******
The Fair Youth, Older, Answers
Well, Bill,
your sonnets finally got to me,
With all their pressings to impress my seal
On waxen fruits that fruit eternally,
And so on and so forth, you know the spiel.
Enticed by your advice I picked a wife
With features fairly fair but not so strong
That they might override that second life
You urged on me so sweetly in your song.
She birthed a boy. I fed and pruned him well;
His soul I manicured to match my own.
He blossomed, and I saw my own pride swell
In him in whom my doubled self was shown,
Engorged with glory, skin secreting scorn,
With bitter core, and better off not born.
Edits to this draft:
L4 "and so on and so forth" was "et cetera, et cetera"
L8 "urged on me" was "recommend"
L10 "His soul I manicured" was "Even his soul I shaped"
L12 was "As in my seed my doubled self was shown"
L14 "With bitter core" was "Rotting within"