[RCL]

Sense and Sentimentalism

My fiancée seemed much too sentimental
about our love: too weepy, dreamy, needy.
And I, emotions numb, put off her entreaty
that I consider sentimental ’s -mental!

Did! Found roots of senti-ence, elemental
feeling, too. I thought: let each half help me
comprehend her sentimentality,
for its truth (etym) is incremental.

So, while I labored to renew my love,
memories of hers brought back warm feeling,
and I confess: A convert, I’m not above
belief that we are truest when commingling—

mating freshened sentience with the mental
in joyous love thoroughly sentimental.

Last line was:
in joyous love that’s fully sentimental.

I’m just silly over the final puns on the pun masters Thoreau and Joyce. (Now, where are my meds?)

Note
The prefix “etym” of “etymology” is derived from the Greek word “etymos”; it means “true”; so, “etym” can be interpreted as “truth” or “true meaning.”

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Ralph,

My sense of the narrative gets lost a little bit in the wordplay that occurs throughout but that seems part of the fun. You give us clues for the wordplay of words within words with the way you use italics and bold type. it takes a reread or two to start appreciating the trickiness. Also, I am not familiar enough with "Sense and Sensibility" to know whether that first wordplay in the title is a one-off or ties in again within the poem. Let me see if I am getting close to your narrative intent though. The first stanza is simple enough until the last line, "that I consider sentimental ’s mental!"

I read it as the fiancee is asking that her mental or emotional state receive due consideration. S2 starts out by saying N did give her wishes due consideration. While at first I think the N is finding intellect and pure emotions within his betrothed, he is actually finding it within himself for he says next "...I thought: let each half help me comprehend her sentimentality,..." The N is actually finding the sentience and feeling within himself to understand the sentimentality of the fiancee. Then when reading "...for its truth (etym) is incremental." the N is saying that his understanding grew stronger over time.

S3 shifts to present tense, so I assume the N is talking about the relationship, ostensibly marriage, having moved to a later time and reckoning:

"So, while I labor to renew my love,
memories of hers bring back warm feeling,
and I confess: A convert, I’m not above
the hope that we’ll be truest when commingling—"

I read this stanza as saying the N is hoping to rekindle the romance in the marriage and that he is willing to admit that though he's a convert to the "feeling" side of things he must admit he would like to commingle, and I assume he means commingle flesh. The last couplet:

"mating freshened sentience with the mental
in joyous love that’s fully sentimental."

reads to me as the N saying that such commingling will help mate the N's awakened sensibilities to fully appreciate the sentimental side of things even
more. "Sentimental" is in italics to give it a little coy tongue-in-cheek flavor.

For me, you've managed to use love and sentiment in a sonnet in homage to the form yet give them new blood. I'll come back if I come up with any suggestions.

All the best,
Jim

[RCL]

Jim,

Bingo! I couldn't have a better reader for this one. Thanks for taking the time to catch the wordplay throughout. And thanks for helping me realize I haven't gone completely bonkers.

I’m an addict of both Thoreau and James Joyce. Both work extensively with etymological puns. I first saw “etym” in Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, where he suggests that television (or atomic bombs?) will cause "the abnihilisation of the etym.”

Gratefully,

[Alexandra Baez]

Ralph, this got my head in a pretty little knot.

----Oh, one quick thing—you mean “fiancée,” with two e’s. With one e, it refers to a male.

. . . I . . . put off her entreaty
that I consider sentimental ’s mental!

I can’t parse this syntactically. How could she “entreat that you consider sentimental’s mental”? I can imagine her entreating you “to consider sentimental mental,” and I can imagine her complaining that you consider sentimental’s mental,”—but not what you said. There’s a further problem in that a colloquial connotation of “mental” is “insane,” which I gather is not—in fact, is the opposite—of what you’re driving at.

“Did!”? Did what? I can’t parse this either. And I’m having trouble even explaining my confusions in the rest of this stanza. Each line has my heart beating hard with the anxiety of incomprehension.

--Another quick thing—you mean “commingling,” with two m’s.

I do gather that what you’re trying to do here is propose that sentimentality at its best has an element of reason in it as well as feeling. That’s an interesting premise. But for me, as with Jim, it’s currently getting lost in convolutions for the bulk of this poem.

[RCL]

Alexandra,

Thanks for the correction on n's betrothed. I should have left the hyphen with -mental to emphasize meaning the second half of the word senti mental. She's being sarcastic. Good eye on commingling. Your final sentence tells me that you do see what I'm aiming for.

Gratefully,