[Nick McRae]

Originally Posted by R. Nemo Hill

I actually like this, John, all those capriciously obsessive ss's in all those the kisses creating a kind of visceral whirlpool to draw the reader in, to kiss him as it were.
Its fleeting yet deep focus captures youth perfectly.

Nemo

I agree, it has a lightness to it that I like.

Although, I get that repeating the word 'kiss' was intentional, but this aspect could be scaled back some, IMO.

I wouldn't call it a failure, but it could maybe still be tweaked at John's discretion. If I have any complaint it's that the word 'kiss' takes up too much real-estate at the expense of other, more illuminating / interesting language. I like the effect that it's repetition produces, but it might work better minimized a little.