[John Whitworth]

I know. They are the first seven batsmen in the new England Test team. Mike Oolite's cover drive is sheer delight. Damn! That rhymes.

No. 2853: ground work

You are invited to incorporate the following words (they are real geological terms) into a piece of plausible and entertaining prose so that they acquire a new meaning in the context of your narrative: Corallian, Permian, Lias, Kimmeridge, Oolite, Cornbrash, Ampthill. Please email entries (wherever possible) of up to 150 words to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 18 June.

[Douglas G. Brown]

Indian scout Running Antelope peered around the side of a large Ampthill on the crest of Kimmeridge. In the valley below, U.S. Cavalry troopers were swilling a keg of cheap Cornbrash. Although it was merely Cornbrash Oolite, they were so drunk that they couldn't mount their horses, which were penned in a makeshift Corallian enclosure.

"Those who say that White Men drink responsibly are a bunch of Lias!", Running Antelope reported back to Chief Thunderhead. Seizing the day, the Chief led his warriors on a charge which annihilated the Cavalry brigade, effecting a Permian solution to the encroachment of their tribal lands.

[Roger Slater]

My friend Cora Kimmeridge never tells the truth. She's one of the great lias, oolite, but Corallian is more fun than most people telling the truth. I've had ampthill opportunity to hear her old-fashioned cornbrash falsehoods, and they've made a lasting and permian impression on me.

[Adrian Fry]

Four days into our torrentially rainy cottage holiday in Devon and we’re still indoors playing Kimmeridge. It’s a tiresome game of Nigel’s devising, thus incomprehensibly complex. On day one, the wretched man appointed himself Permian – a role somewhere between pettifogging bureaucrat and capricious God –and hasn’t stopped explaining, elaborating and enforcing arcane rules since. We’re all supposed to be competing for the oolite, a tiny plastic ovoid no-one could conceivably want. Kate walked out on day two, unable to play Danny Boy on a three-stringed cornbrash as the rules – punctiliously extemporised by Nigel - supposedly demanded. For three days, Geoff relished the game, amassing points – Lias, Nigel calls them, pronouncing the italics - before being disqualified for not knowing that an ampthill was a fourteenth century alchemical flask. Now, Sally and I face the Final – the Corallian, Nigel calls it – an Esperanto riddle. Why go on? It beats watching television.

[John Whitworth]

Looks winnerish to me, Adrian.

[Charlie Southerland]

I looked forward to celebrating Jimmy Crack Day, (a long Scottish tradition) by eating a heaping Corallian plate of cornbrash, and washing it down with a cold bottle of Oolite beer. Helen had a Permian appointment at the hairdressers somewhere around ten o'clock am, so I was excited to settle in and watch Captain Kimmeridge deal with the Lias clans on the newest Star Trek spin-off, "Ampthill." Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 87 score for originality. It appears the show will become a huge hit focusing on Kimmeridge and the thousands of Lias he has to conquer. I can't wait for the second episode; Lias, Lias, or the third episode; Damn Lias.