[Nick McRae]

Originally Posted by Mark McDonnell

Edit: to be fair to Nick, he probably wasn’t saying anything quite as blunt as that. But I don’t think his idea of chopping the poem up would add anything in this case. It would break that meditative sinking through the layers.

Yea, the revision I posted should really be viewed as illustrative, not an actual intentional revision of this poem.

But I do like writing my more prose like poems this way, making the natural breaks sharper and more clear, and sometimes just to give the poem a more interesting form. It's really personal preference.

I also felt the meditative sinking through the layers and can see the appeal of that approach.