[Jayne Osborn]

This one seems a bit daft to me and I wouldn't know where to start. I don't 'do' Twitter and have never seen a tweet in my life, but those who know what it's all about can submit up to 6 of them. Good luck.

Jayne

The Oldie Competition
by Tessa Castro

Competition no. 171

I noticed that Victoria Station is now on Twitter. I suppose that this means it tweets by sending out a series of messages each of no more than 140 characters, as the method demands. So I’d like to read a day in the life of this typical railway terminus, please, in not more than six tweets.

Entries to ‘Competition no. 171’ by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG), email (comps@theoldie.co.uk) or fax (020 7436 8804) by 13th December 2013.
Don’t forget to include your postal address.

[John Whitworth]

The Olddie has done twitterature before. I won something with a rhymed entry. Each verselet had 140 characters OR LESS. Why do I help you like this? Because I am a nice person. No nice person tweets.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by Jayne Osborn

This one seems a bit daft to me and I wouldn't know where to start. I don't 'do' Twitter and have never seen a tweet in my life.

Same here, Jayne. I nevertheless won something in a 'Twitter' competition a few months back. My sister couldn't understand how I'd managed it. Neither could I.

[Rob Stuart]

This is a bit dreary, isn't it?

[basil ransome-davies]

More than a bit. The ads in the Oldie for incontinence pants & stairlifts are more exciting.

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by basil ransome-davies

More than a bit. The ads in the Oldie for incontinence pants & stairlifts are more exciting.

Bazza, why don't you write to them and suggest a competition for "a poem combining incontinence pants & stairlifts"?

[Ann Drysdale]

What a wonderful metaphor for the division of our society. Two answers to the same basic need, instantly sorting the haves from the havenots.

[Brian Allgar]

Is this silly enough for the competition, or should I try to silly it up a bit?


9h07. Passengers are advised that the train now standing at Platform 12 has not yet arrived.

10h23. Passengers are advised that the train expected on Platform 12 will be arriving on Platform 7.

10h24. Passengers are advised that Platform 7 is closed for refurbishment until September 2014.

13h46. Passengers are advised that the train announced for Platform 7 will be arriving on Platform 15.

15h51. Passengers are advised that due to snow on all lines into Victoria, the train expected on Platform 15 has been diverted to Waterloo and will depart at 18h37.

18h38. Passengers are advised that anyone who does not have access to Twitter has now missed the train, and should try to negotiate a good deal with a taxi-driver.

[Adrian Fry]

Brian, your piece seems quite silly enough to me. It reminds me of the comedian Chris Morris' line 'Passengers wishing to use escalators are advised to bring their own.'

[John Whitworth]

Nice work, Brian. I'm going to be dreary.

1. The trains run in. The trains run out.
There's scarcely anyone about.

2. The city stirs. The crowds begin.
Not many out but thousands in.

3. Helter-skelter, hurry-scurry
Up from Sussex, Kent and Surrey.

4. Midday sends a happy bunch
Off to Brighton for their lunch.

5. Scuffling crowds began the day.
Now they surge the other way.

6. Midnight and the crowds have shrunk.
Most are sleepy. Some are drunk.