[John Riley]

Thanks to each for the additional feedback. Nemo I had not considered an epigraph. That may work.

[Matt Q]

Hi John,

I'm thinking that maybe "In a dream" works better to convey that spring exists (potentially only) in the dream. I'm not 100% sure why, but to me, "Still dreaming ..." gives me more of an impression that it's actually spring, that maybe what he sees is real and that he's still dreaming other things at the same time, or that the real spring is somehow woven into the dream. With "In a dream" it's clearer to me that what's being described is a dream. He's dreaming of an idyllic spring. I guess, "in a dream" can also mean something like "in a daze", but I didn't read it that way.

I'm not entirely sure what "spool a slip for last night's mooring" means, though I like the sound of it. Though it doesn't (I think) say this, it did make think that, in dreaming, he'd slipped from last night's mooring. And perhaps that the spring he dreams is the result of slipping from his mooring, that which held in place, tied him down, in escaping it, he'd found, in his dream, a better place. Though that's not what it says. For that it would need to be something like, "hear the new light spool, and slip from night’s last mooring." But as it stands: well I can imagine a slip (as in losing one's footing) being spooled, I think, but I'm not sure why/how it's "for" last night's mooring. Hmm. Or maybe "slip" is a slipknot? Something to cast over the mooring-post?

best,

Matt

[Glenn Wright]

I took “spool a slip for night’s last mooring” to be an image of night as a boat that is being fastened by “spooling” or wrapping a rope around a capstan or pole into its “slip” (a parking place for a boat). The day that just came tumbling down the stairs is the “new light” that is helping to put the night into its resting place. At another level it suggests the energetic, exuberant youth (new light) putting the old, spent generation (night) into its “last mooring” (the grave).
Did I get it right?

[Matt Q]

Thanks Glenn. I need to brush up on my nautical terms. Didn't know "slip" meant that. Makes perfect sense now.

[R. Nemo Hill]

slip, noun, "a slope built leading into water, used for launching and landing boats and ships or for building and repairing them."

Nemo

[Matt Q]

That sounds like a "slipway", Nemo, a term I do know. It doesn't sound like a place to moor a boat.

On US sites I find "slip" (and "boatslip") described as a mooring place for a single boat. I couldn't find "slip" in a UK glossary of nautical terms, and Collins, a UK dictionary, tells me that "boatslip" is an American word. So, I'm thinking "slip", used in this sense, is too.

In which case, I'm pleased I have a good excuse for not having known it

[John Riley]

Thanks, Matt. Duly noted.

I mean slip the say Nemo defined it.

[R. S. Gwynn]

The dream-vision was a standard genre in the middle ages. Then dreams were taken up by the surrealists, or at least imagery from them. I see from the new title that this is no longer a dream, right?

[Roger Slater]

Here are some thoughts about the poem's language (as opposed to theme, meter, emotion, etc.):

I think the first four lines are weighed down by adjectives:

• early glow
• new morning
• lilting scent
• cheering robins

Some of them are redundant, as well. Once we know it's morning, we know that any glow will be "early" and the morning will be a "new" one. (You say "new morning" again later in the poem, and "new light" as well, perhaps beating us over the head a bit too much with the straightforward idea that it's a new day).

You also say "lilting scent/ where", but a scent is not a location.

In the phrase "soon visit," I am left wondering how the speaker knows this, since I take it that the visit has not yet happened but will happen "soon." But I don't know what "soon" contributes. Why not just say "visit"?

Why is the room "clinging to the dark" when you've just told us there's an early glow in the new morning? What dark is that? (I presume it's the room, not the speaker or his interlocutor, who is clinging to the dark, but the grammar is ambiguous).

In the phrase "is now a wonder," what does the word "now" contribute? Doesn't just saying "is" tell you that it's now?

Why "follow behind" and not just "follow"? How else can one follow except from behind? At any rate, who/what is being followed?

[John Riley]

Thanks for the comments