[Matt Q]

Also, aside from the issue Carl raises with "me", "Medusa, Cain and me, we ..." (ditto "Medusa, Cain and I, we ...") makes it sound to me like the three of them are together, or at least contemporaries. Like maybe they're in a gang together. The original's "like" provided some distance. Cain and Medusa would need to alive for "bear" to apply to all three, I think.

Would this work?:

Like Cain and Medusa did, I bear a mark.

best,

Matt

[Glenn Wright]

Good catch, Carl. I guess the /m/ alliteration jammed my grammar radar.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Matt—
I kind of like the idea of the speaker feeling some solidarity with Medusa and Cain. It underscores his loneliness. Although Jesus is a couple of lines away, he’s part of the group, too.
As far as the tense of “bear,” I think I can get away with present tense because I’m telling what these characters from different time periods have (present tense) in common.

[Roger Slater]

I had a thought for S1, switching up the line order. I've also changed "we" to "all", which you might consider even if you stick with your current line order:

No one may speak to me, no dog may bark.
My curse denies me any company.
Medusa, Cain, and I, all bear a mark.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Roger—
I like the “all” as a way to get rid of the additional confusing comma and to avoid positioning two personal pronouns next to each other. Thanks!

[David Callin]

So, Glenn - from your comments, it seems this is not strictly Villon, but a sort of composite, or imaginary, poète maudit. Is that right?

Full disclosure: if there's a Villon reference here, I didn't spot it. "Poète Maudit" makes me think of Baudelaire, for some reason - probably not a good one.

It's a good character sketch. I'm just wondering about the character, and need (I think) further guidance on that.

Cheers

David

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, David—
Poète maudit just means “cursed poet.” Villon, who lived in the 15th century, was given that nickname because of his flamboyantly tragic life, including numerous knife fights, one with a priest, a death sentence, which was commuted to banishment, and his final disappearance. He became an anti-hero for the so-called “Poètes Maudits” who lived several centuries later, including Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Mallarmé, and Verlaine. Among
English poets, Lord Byron probably would be the best example of a poète maudit. In American poetry Hart Crane and Ezra Pound might qualify.

The poéte maudit was a kind of meme in Romantic poetry. I had most in mind Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner, a figure who was cursed for a crime against the natural world (killing an albatross) to wander the world telling his story to unsuspecting listeners. The Flying Dutchman is another member of the club.

[R. S. Gwynn]

I read that Baudelaire first used the phrase. Am I wrong?

[Glenn Wright]

According to Wikipedia, Albert de Vigny coined the expression in his 1832 novel, Stello.
According to Encyclopedia Brittannica, Paul Verlaine coined it in his 1884 book, Les poètes maudits. It was part of the Zeitgeist in the late 19th Century.

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Hi, David—
Poète maudit just means “cursed poet.”

So that's the Villon reference! Lost on me, clearly, although I have read some Villon. (I have made my way through the Penguin Villon. I even have a Villon villanelle which I call, fairly predictably, "Villonelle".)

So I have read the poem with increased understanding and enjoyment now.

Do you know Georges Brassens' version of the Ballade des dames du temps jadis? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeG1CpuhVsQ&t=3s

Cheers

David