[Allen Tice]

This appeared first in The Chicago Tribune on February 26, 1903, in the author’s column “A Line-O’-Type or Two”. In a bookstore I found a slim priceless collection of gems from that column. But I first read this in a hardbound Smithsonian Institution volume that was part of a kind of encyclopedia of natural history. I’m morally certain that woman dinosaurs were just as smart. Why can’t more of this kind of thing get into newspapers now?

Behold the mighty dinosaur.
Famous in prehistoric lore,
Not only for his power and strength
But for his intellectual length.
You will observe by these remains
The creature had two sets of brains—
One in his head (the usual place),
The other at his spinal base.
Thus he could reason a priori
As well as a posteriori.
No problem bothered him a bit
He made both head and tail of it.
So wise was he, so wise and solemn,
Each thought filled just a spinal column.
If one brain found the pressure strong
It passed a few ideas along.
If something slipped his forward mind
'Twas rescued by the one behind.
And if in error he was caught
He had a saving afterthought.
As he thought twice before he spoke
He had no judgment to revoke.
Thus he could think without congestion
Upon both sides of every question.
Oh, gaze upon this model beast,
Defunct ten million years at least.
- Bert L. Taylor, 1912