[John Whitworth]

No. 2619: Mangled maxim
You are invited to submit a short fable (150 words maximum) which culminates in a mangled aphorism (eg the Bill Deedes classic, ‘You can’t make an omelette without frying eggs.’) Entries to Competition 2619 by midday on 21 October or email lucy@spectator.co.uk. Email is preferable in view of the current disruption to postal services.

Well now, this one might be made for the US of A because surely the Daddy of this sort of thing is the immortal James Thurber. I suspect prose is what they want, though I half thought of doing a Patience Strong number.

I like the idea of mangled aphorisms. It's a long, long road which has no petrol station (gas station to you). Too many cooks on TV these days. Early to bed and up with the cock (not mine, a French mistranslation).

Yes, Bill Greenwell and I got some money. I was nice to Wendy Cope and Bill was rather unfair to Philip Larkin, I thought. According to my old publisher Harry Chambers, Larkin was excellent company once you could actually pin him down. The gin flowed like... well, like gin.

[Janet Kenny]

Congratulations John and Bill.

John your poem to Wendy Cope was affectionate and kind. I felt like a nicer person after I'd read it.

PS: Just read Bill Greenwell's and it's jolly funny.

And Frank Osen gets a benediction.