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Unread 02-27-2024, 06:56 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is online now
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: England, UK
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Hi Cameron,

Since this has been bumped up, I thought I'd stop by to echo the praise you've had for this poem. What everyone else has said, basically. This is just really good. The title itself is almost a poem in itself. Possibly my favourite of yours.

A couple of word-level thoughts.

"surrounded by a pack of guard dogs" -- I'd say there's a more interesting verb than "surrounded" here. (For some reason I want to say "lapped at" -- for the play on the sea, and dogs drinking, and the sonics with "pack" -- but that's probably a bad idea). Given how fresh the language of the rest of poem is, I'd maybe look at alternatives to the straightforward here.

I have a similar though slighter response to "arrogantly" in "arrogantly preen", though I do think it works, it is rather an expected adjective. Plus, it's almost redundant/unnecessary, largely implied by "preen" -- it's hard to preen humbly, after all.

Matt
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