A few small things:
Quote:
It would be good to think a lot before
one speaks of what so long has passed away
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Is "speak" perhaps a bit too generic for "auszusagen"?
"Passed away" is usually an idiom used for talking about people or animals, not for spaces of time. One says "George passed away", but not usually "my childhood passed away". Not only that, but saying it has (present tense) passed away for a very long time sounds strange. Are you trying to say it
passed long ago, or has been passed for a long time? If so, the current sentence structure seems inadequate.
Also, "Passed" doesn't seem all that accurate for "lost". If I say "my childhood was lost" that usually means something a lot more negative than "my childhood passed".
If you are going to stick with "passed", though, perhaps "passed him by" would work slightly better, thinking also of the rhyme:
"one speaks of something that has passed him by"
Quote:
long has passed away,/ of those long
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You have used the word "long" twice very closely together, which doesn't sound great.
Quote:
and never will return again—and why?
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"Return again" is redundant. "Return" naturally implies coming again. Perhaps "and never will be here again".
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