[Henry Quince]

I propose short verse inspired by recent news items, the more bizarre the better. Here’s one to kick off.

You know how we seldom do one thing at a time these days? We listen to music while working or jogging, watch TV while eating, and so on. The prize has to go to the Oklahoma judge who made the most of his time in court by using a penis vacuum device while hearing cases. Jurors wondered what the strange rhythmic whining noise was and why his black cloak seemed to be moving...


All Stand, All Rise!

If airline pilots can joke around while landing,
and presidents read their mail while getting a blow,
why can’t I, while ruling or remanding,
wear a device to make my penis grow?

All stand, all rise! I overrule the objection:
The Bench conceals an honorable erection.

(Yes, I know they probably don’t actually say “All stand, all rise” in Oklahoma courts.)
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/06/29/D8II99VG0.html http://www.northcountrygazette.org/a...6GagOrder.html

And you thought the courtroom antics in Boston Legal were far-fetched!

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

The Fate of Old, Worn-Out TV Shows


I Spy the Pussycats, Leave it to Beaver
Lost in Space Father Knows Best;
Avengers and Angels and Aeon Flux, even,
Don’t tell me - they’ll do Lassie , next.



[This message has been edited by Jerry Glenn Hartwig (edited September 01, 2006).]

[Henry Quince]

Thanks for weighing in, Jerry.

No other “takers”? Well, here’s another one. Someone had to say it! Irwin was a livewire with a lot of admirable qualities. Maybe he would have chosen to go like that, though not so soon. I hope this is respectful rather than totally in bad taste.


“Ocean’s Deadliest”

They were his life, the creatures of land and sea;
he toyed with crocs in his Queensland menagerie.

The film he was making — will it ever be shown?
How fitting that title might seem, now that he’s gone.

The stab of a stingray’s tail, toxic and spiky,
ended his life, faster than he could say “Crikey!”

[Janet Kenny]

Teetering Henry, teetering

I can't find a story good enough to rival your upright judge.

Janet

[Peter Chipman]

You Downundrians...it's a wonder any of you manage to survive at all, what with the man-eating sharks and crocodiles and all the venomous snakes, spiders, jellyfish, octopi, platypi, and so on.

New tourist slogan:
Come to Australia...Where Even the Mammals are Venomous.

[Julie Steiner]

Death, where is thy poisoned stinger?
Hit my heart, and not my finger:
Not my digit, but my ticker.
(Or my brain, if that is quicker.)

When I die, don't let me linger--
No last words, no final zinger,
No regrets. Don't let me know
When it's time for me to go.

When my time on earth is done,
Yank me out of something fun,
Without warning. Let me leave
While I'm living large, like Steve.

Julie Stoner

[Julie Steiner]

Mop-tops Donate Hair to Clean Up Oil Spill Near Guimaras Island, Philippines

All around the oily isle,
Bobbing hair is back in style!

[Julie Steiner]

Mom Drove Sons and Their Friends on Graffiti Tagging Spree

Alternate headline:

Reluctance to Let Friends and Kin Roam
Leads to Carpooled Tunnel Sin-Roam

[Janet Kenny]

I can't compete here. Brilliant Julie!
Janet

[Jerry Glenn Hartwig]

Julie wins.

With the first one.

Are we sure she's not Australian?