[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

I don't get round to this forum as often as I'd like...

For your enjoyment, today's Guardian's poetical offering.

Duncan

[Nigel Mace]

Very neat. The review makes a good case for it being a nicely judged double whammy - both the form and the subject, which is, speaking as a compulsive parodist, a fairly rare accomplishment.

However, copping out at a single verse, splendid though this is, does leave Gilbert rather short changed - and I'd judge that a job rather less than half done. I sent a full one on the same pattern - or in the same 'frying pan' in this reviewer's terms - off on its journey round Facebook just before the General Election, when some wag suggested moving the Trident fleet to Gibraltar to escape the clutches of my fellow SNP supporting Scots.

[John Whitworth]

Well, three of the rhymes are no good and another depends upon a word 'recency' which doesn't exist. Gilbert would be apoplectic, and quite right too.

[Nigel Mace]

Oh dear, John, I don't think that Gilbert would have been quite as splenetic as you suggest. His own original contained the rhyme word "parabulous" which, though it sounds like a real (but inapplicable) term has nothing to do with the sense of the line. As for the clunking "sat a gee" line ending, that has always stood out amidst all the rest of the splendid word play as a bit wince-making.

Duncan seems to have more forgiving standards - so I'll risk posting my 'take' here (which I think this merry forum allows). No apologies for the length - that was of Gilbert's making - though, of course, John you are allowed to dislike the matter and its manner too.

“MY NUCLEAR DETERRENT SUBS”

I’ve found the very place to berth my nuclear deterrent subs,
As far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
Not hidden past their potted palms, but shrouded near some Spanish shrubs,
When safely in Gibraltar they can hide among the tourist tubs.
I couldn’t leave them in the Thames or close to London’s airport hubs,
And now the Scots won’t have ‘em, I can’t put up with the South East’s blubs,
For if you’ve bought a Trident you may find that it’s quite hard to fit –
(searches for a rhyme) - hard to fit…
It in with any mug, whose had to shell out for your deficit.
(Chorus)
It in with any mug, whose had to shell out for your deficit.
It in with any mug, whose had to shell out for your deficit.
It in with any mug, whose had to shell out for your defi, deficit.

I’m confident of voters and of parliament’ry calculus
And never let the public or back-benchers near the likes of us
For, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
I’ve found the very place to berth my nuclear deterrent subs.
(Chorus)
For, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
He’s found the very place to berth his nuclear deterrent subs.

I know our mythic history from Churchill to the Thatcherists,
From Super-Mac to Blair and Straw, the least of the Atlanticists;
They swooned before the Kennedys, and fell for Reagan’s publicists,
Then thought that Bush’s missiles promised power to all onanists.
We seized the silver cylinders, according to our analysts,
And guessed they’d give us potency, like any drooling fantasists,
But when it came to storing ‘em, we reckoned as we’d tried before
(searches for a rhyme) – tried before…
We’d stick ‘em in Scots bunkers like a golfer who has cried a “Fore!”
(Chorus)
We’d stick ‘em in Scots bunkers like a golfer who has cried a “Fore!”
We’d stick ‘em in Scots bunkers like a golfer who has cried a “Fore!”
We’d stick ‘em in Scots bunkers like a golfer who has cried a, cried a “Fore!”

We promised all the locals they’d be given jobs and cash and things
But they fell for a Sturgeon who had promised that she’d clip our wings
So, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
I’ve found the very place to berth my nuclear deterrent subs.
(Chorus)
So, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
He’s found the very place to berth his nuclear deterrent subs.

If ever I can understand the meaning of democracy,
Or separate my interests from those of the plutocracy,
Or understand that peoples may prefer to rule themselves for once,
And generally show myself to be more than a total dunce -
Then maybe I might realise that nuclear weapons are a plague
Of criminal intentions fit to be arraigned before the Hague
In short when I’ve a smattering of element’ry politics
(searches for a rhyme) – politics…
Then maybe I’ll be fit to be in charge among the lunatics.
(Chorus)
Then maybe he’ll be fit to be in charge among the lunatics.
Then maybe he’ll be fit to be in charge among the lunatics.
Then maybe he’ll be fit to be in charge among the luna, lunatics.

But meanwhile I’ve a role to play, pretending we can still have sway
And chuck our weight about the world, as though in Queen Victoria’s day
For, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
I’ve found that Gib’s the place to berth my nuclear deterrent subs.
(Chorus)
For, far away from Whitehall and its gentlemanly private clubs,
He’s found that Gib’s the place to berth his nuclear deterrent subs.

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

Great, Nigel! I think it's only fair for people to take turns harbouring our nuclear deterrent.

I'm reminded of the one about how the Scots reacted to the news that their present missiles were going to be replaced by newer ones. "What?" they fumed. "We haven't used the old ones yet!"

Duncan

[Chris O'Carroll]

Actually, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the OED now acknowledges recency as a synonym for recentness. (I've found it in other dictionaries.) But I'd almost rather Aubury had coined the term. Surely adventury in Gilbert's original was a coinage? It's true that some made-up words are best suited to nonsense verse -- runcible, frabjous -- but even sensical light verse should be able to deploy the occasional silly neologism. It's one of those techniques, like deliberate misspelling, that should be used sparingly, but not declared off limits.

[Allen Tice]

I was misinformed about the lyrics, and recant.

[Bill Carpenter]

Can G&S actually be parodied, in the way we use the term today? At most imitated, I'd say. Anna Russell attempted to parody them in her How To Make Your Own Gilbert & Sullivan Opera. It was mostly pretty flat, except for some amusing imitations. Many pleasing moments in your effort, Nigel.

[John Whitworth]

I think you may have a point, Bill. Gilbert's style can be used to parody other writers. You rewrite a Keats Ode as if by Gilbert, that sort of thing.

If recency does indeed exist then I must withdraw my criticism. I think it's a horrible word though.

[Bill Carpenter]

P.G. Wodehouse can't be parodied. Henry James can. Hiawatha can.

It would be a shame if the Recency came off poorly in comparison with the Regency.