[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by A. Baez

How do you present multiple quotes from one post of another person in a reply?

Sorry to disappoint you, Alexandra, but my method’s as low-tech as they get: click Quote and copy-paste the open- and close-quote codes to set off each segment. I don’t even know what the Multi-Quote button does!

[Carl Copeland]

A revision is up that may be a real ghazal (not just a wooden puppet).

[Matt Q]

Hi Carl,

Just a couple of quick thoughts on the revision.

"the Eden rose that, ere it blow, is going"

Should that be "blows"? I can't get "it blow" to work grammatically.

"They desecrate my chamber. To the wind
go petals, faces, words—a poem going."

I wonder if "go" gives you too much go-ing in the second line. It might be worth playing with a different verb. "Now the wind / steals petals" (or "takes" or "lifts") maybe? Or "And the wind ...". Stealing seems to fit with (or add to) the desecrating.

"All into Lethe’s numbing flow is going."

A little unwieldy in its inversion seems this line.

best,

Matt

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Matt. Your thoughts are always appreciated.

Originally Posted by Matt Q

Should that be "blows"? I can't get "it blow" to work grammatically.

It’s meant to be subjunctive (as confirmed by Two Gentlemen of Verona: “the most forward bud / Is eaten by the canker ere it blow”). But the phrase is too faux-archaic and was gone before I saw your comment.

Originally Posted by Matt Q

I wonder if "go" gives you too much go-ing in the second line. It might be worth playing with a different verb.

I actually put it in because I liked the repetition, but you may be right. I can always revert to “In the sand / drift.” I used sand to hint at my original image of pyramid robbers.

Originally Posted by Matt Q

"All into Lethe’s numbing flow is going."

A little unwieldy in its inversion seems this line.

I’m afraid this may be the price I pay for a real ghazal, but think on it I will.

[Glenn Wright]

I’m delighted with the revised version, Carl. Losing the “Lethe” reference was smart. It clashed with the Pandora reference. Very musical and also clear. Bravo!

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks, Glenn! I doubted I could do a real ghazal that would say what I wanted, but maybe, just maybe I’ve pulled it off.

[Alexandra Baez]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

Sorry to disappoint you, Alexandra, but my method’s as low-tech as they get: click Quote and copy-paste the open- and close-quote codes to set off each segment. I don’t even know what the Multi-Quote button does!

Oh, okay--ha. I'd thought of doing that but felt sure there was a slicker way. I'll ask Alex Pepple about this sometime.

As to the Multi-Quote button, it allows you to quote from multiple different comments in one reply. As a public service announcement, I'll pass on a synthesized and paraphrased version of the explanations I solicited from Alex on how to apply this function:

For the first method, click the “+ Multiquote” button for each of the comments you want to quote in your response. Each clicked “+” will change to a “-.” Next, click the regular “Quote” button of any of the selected quotes, which will open the reply window, which in turn will include quotes for all the selected comments. Trim each quote (or not) as necessary, and proceed through the rest as usual. However, this only works for quotes taken from the same page on the thread. To cite quotes from multiple pages on the thread, you can use this workaround:

(1) Carry out the multi-quoting for the first page only;
(2) Leave (1) alone, and open a new browser tab or window and there, go to the second page of the thread. Next carry out the multi-quoting just for the second page.
(3) Copy and paste from (2) to (1), and be sure to edit out any extraneous material. After this, you can discard (2) and continue with (1), which is what you'll end up submitting.

For the second method, add the code for each of the quoted comments as below:

[_QUOTE=COMMENTER'S USERNAME#1;COMMENT #1'S NUMBER]QUOTED TEXT #1 HERE![/_QUOTE]
[_QUOTE=COMMENTER'S USERNAME#2;COMMENT #2'S NUMBER]QUOTED TEXT #2 HERE![/_QUOTE]

where
- “USERNAME #1” is the first quoted comment (e.g.: A. Baez);
- “COMMENT #1'S NUMBER” is the system number for the comment (you can find it by mousing over the corresponding “quote” button and looking at the link information near the bottom of the page)
- “QUOTED TEXT #1” is the entire or snippet of COMMENT #1 that you're including in the quoted text #1

But be sure not to include the underscore before '_QUOTE' – I added this to prevent the PM system from interpreting it as a real quote instead of my instruction to you. This method can be used to cite quotes from multiple pages on the thread without necessitating any workaround.

[Alexandra Baez]

Now to your revision! I think that you have cleaned it up remarkably well. In fact, you’ve made it look easy, although perhaps it wasn’t. (Was it actually a task, or did it all come together quite naturally?) It’s much clearer in meaning, and you’ve ticked off the “genuine ghazal” box that you decided you wanted to.

It’s nice the way you elide metaphor with reality in “petals, faces, words.”

I do like the repetition of “go,” “going” in S3 and feel it delivers the desired emphatic effect. (I tried simply subbing in “fly” for “go”--keeping the inversion of this sentence, which doesn’t bother me--and while this variation might feel more proper, it seems less potent to me.)

I was wondering why in S5 you say “here below.” Is Pandora above now?

The only new potential improvement I can see is “cared for so.” Amid all its monosyllabic neighbors, plus being an inversion, it sounds a bit clunky. How about a bisyllabic verb like “nurtured” instead? Then it could better carry the inversion

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks to both Alexes for the Multi-Quote Manual. It may come in handy.

Originally Posted by A. Baez

… you’ve made it look easy, although perhaps it wasn’t. (Was it, or did it all come together quite naturally?)

Turning the poem into a true ghazal was easier than I thought only to the extent that I thought it would be impossible. It wasn’t easy, but verse never is for me. I was stunned to learn that a beautiful formal poem posted over a year ago was written in a single sitting!

Originally Posted by A. Baez

I do like the repetition of “go,” “going” in S3 and feel it delivers the desired emphatic effect. (I tried simply subbing “fly” in for “go” … and while this variation might feel more proper, it seems less potent to me.)

I also tried subbing “fly,” but “go” somehow helps to justify “going” at the end of the line. That’s something about the ghazal form that continues to vex me: the need for each use of the radif to feel natural in its couplet as well as a little different from the others. The variation may not be a requirement, but ending each line with “It’s going” wouldn’t have been very interesting.

Originally Posted by A. Baez

I was wondering why in S5 you say “here below.” Is Pandora above now?

No, the direction is relative to heaven, not Pandora. “Laying up treasures in heaven” is the one allusion that didn’t seem to come across.

Originally Posted by A. Baez

The only new potential improvement I can see is “cared for so.” Amid all its monosyllabic neighbors, plus being an inversion, it sounds a bit clunky. How about a bisyllabic verb like “nurtured” instead?

“Nurtured” was the stand-in I had waiting in the wings. I’m persuaded. Thanks.

[Alexandra Baez]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

Turning the poem into a true ghazal was easier than I thought only to the extent that I thought it would be impossible.

That's hilarious! I feel you.

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

It wasn’t easy, but verse never is for me. I was stunned to learn that a beautiful formal poem posted over a year ago was written in a single sitting!

I know! For me, the whole "prompt poem" movement is a complete no-go, and Einstein's 99% perspiration rule applies 82% of the time.

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

I also tried subbing “fly,” but “go” somehow helps to justify “going” at the end of the line. That’s something about the ghazal form that continues to vex me: the need for each use of the radif to feel natural in its couplet as well as a little different from the others. The variation may not be a requirement, but ending each line with “It’s going” wouldn’t have been very interesting.

I like your intuition and your confidence in it here.

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

No, the direction is relative to heaven, not Pandora. “Laying up treasures in heaven” is the one allusion that didn’t seem to come across.

Oh, okay. I don't know why the phrase seems to create a distance in my mind between Pandora and "here below."

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

“Nurtured” was the stand-in I had waiting in the wings. I’m persuaded. Thanks.

Yay!