[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

The fair was something wicked come to town.
A ‘caravanserai’ the priest had thundered.
‘A caravanserai of wickedness’
A phrase to chew and roll around the tongue.

The travellers came with all their difference,
the smells, the words we could not understand.
Each year the same. A canvas kingdom raised
in fantasy. Scab kneed, agape, we’d gawk,
watching the muscle plaited men at work,
great wooden sledges hammering square pegs,
undoing greasy skeins of thumb-thick rope,
unfolding painted scenes rubbed raw by time,
then hauling up and lashing down the tents
so quick that knots would magically appear.
They gleamed with sweat and spilled profanity.


Shivered by fear we hovered at the edge
deliciously aware these foreign folk
were opening a portal into hell.

[R. Nemo Hill]

I like it very much, Jan, but it leaves me wanting more, it doesn't seem to have concluded yet.

Nemo

[Susan McLean]

Like Nemo, I felt that all this terrific description was a prologue to what would come of the encounter with the wickedness itself. It feels disappointing that we don't get that.

Susan

[John Riley]

I hate to pile on but this does feel like the opening to something interesting. Its tone reminds me of living down here in the South with all the craziness of religion. It also reminds me of Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked This Way Comes. I think that's the right Bradbury novel. The one the kids read it at the school where I volunteer.

[Joe Crocker]

There was much about this that brought back the fairgrounds of my childhood. I though you painted a great picture encapsulating the relationship between fairground people and the smalltown communities they serve. Exotic and dangerous. I loved the plaited muscles, and the kids' fascination from a distance. It could be the start of something bigger but works perfectly well for me as a remembered excitement.

I wondered whether "gormless, agape we'd gawk" was overegging it a little. Similarly, "frissoned" as a verb. But these may just be personal. I liked it.

It also brought back a folksong by John Tams about packing up a funfair and moving on.
"Pull Down Lads" The lyrics reference bits of kit and language used by travellers.

[Michael Cantor]

Like the others, I like it very much - but as it is. I'm afraid that opening it up might work, but could also lead into a "list" poem. This version says just enough.

[Julie Steiner]

Enjoyed. I wonder if you might like to cut the first line and move the introductory strophe to right before the final one, so that the order is travelers, priest's condemnation, even more interest.

[mignon ledgard]

Jan,

From the title and the opening, Christina Rossetti's Goblin Market were the tone and jingle in my mind. I read it to my daughter when she was little--I was no good at children's stories..

As others feel it is an introduction, so do I..

Super!
~mignon

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Hi Nemo and Susan,

There is no more. With quite a Nod to Eliot, between the Anticipation and the Actuality falls the shadow. Anticipation is rarely satisfied it is a land of wonder and wondering and wonderfully malleable. This is Damnation, Anticipation and Defiance.

The opening strophe is the hyperbole of the mediocre thundering from the pulpit together with virtually xenophobic damning of the different.

The ending is the Opposition Defiance delight of youth The thought of wickedness enough, knowing it was bad was good

Hi John,

Despite the 'pricking of thumbs' being first you are right the title is owed to Bradbury.

Hi Joe,

My early youth was in Nottinghamshire. I remember responding to my mother when she asked where my friends and I were going "Ussens gooin t'wake a' Rec." Considering I was brought up on RP this did not go down well lol.

I know in 'Gormless...' I belaboured the point by using a trochee as well as the alliteration I am loath to change but will count my eggs. However you are right with 'Frissoned' Thank you. I have used 'Shivered' instead which is far, far better.

I am so pleased it resonated.

Thank you Michael needless to say I agree with you *smile*

I am unsure Julie I played with it a bit and think I will stay with the format at this stage.

Hi Mignon,

Please see my rationale in my response to Susan and Nemo.

[Matt Q]

Hi Jan,

I really like the first two stanzas. "‘A caravanserai of wickedness" is indeed a phrase to chew and roll around the tongue. And I enjoyed the vivid imagery of the long middle stanza.

The final S falls a bit flat for me, though. I wonder if that's because the close is quite "telly", at least with respect to how the townsfolk feel about the carnival. The mixture of fear and attraction is pretty much spelled out. Maybe it's worth trying to find a way to write the end without naming/stating how the townsfolk feel, to find a way to show us or imply it? That might make the close more satisfying for me.

best,

Matt