[Holly Martins]

The UK media are having a field day over the Royal Wedding. Today's Sunday Times has this excellent sonnet by Sophie Hannah:


ROYAL WEDDING POEM

I have attended weddings in the past
Where I'm the only person in the room
To harbour an intransigent and vast
Landmass of spite towards the bride and groom.
I have attended weddings with my coat
Buttoned against the hot, ecstatic horde
Throughout the service, wearing a remote
Glaze to appear above it all and bored.

At last, a marriage I can celebrate:
No choruses of "Oh, you have to come!"
No one I liked once but have grown to hate
But must make small-talk with to please my mum.
Weddings involving nobody one knows -
What a good plan. I'll vote for more of those.


And here's my offering:


SOUR EPITHALAMIUM

I glower. She reproves:
‘Don’t be so sour!’ - as though
I was a witch at Sleeping
Beauty’s christening.

If Will and Kate had been
an ordinary pair,
I would have blessed them then
and there - for what that’s worth.

It’s all the brou-ha-ha,
the la-di-da, the faux-
romance-like make-believe.

In every fairytale I’ve read
the handsome Prince and Princess wed
before they honeymoon in bed.


Feel free to join the bunfight (it doesn't have to be a sonnet).