[Alexandra Baez]

Hi, David—another nice one! I echo Jim’s sentiments about that wonderful bun line, and Marshall’s about the meter in Ls 4 and 11. (In 4, a simple “just” before “mummy” could cure the issue.)

This is also just wonderful:

help
me back into my reassembled self.

“My partner” struck me as a bit odd, since the relationship sounds like a married, opposite-sex one. Further, since you’ve had some metrical departures elsewhere that don’t serve any rhetorical purpose, the seemingly rhyme-driven nature of the “partner” choice feels all the more odd. Not that I’m suggesting switching it to “wife” with no other changes! I’d suggest switching it to “wife” and then adjusting elsewhere to maintain IP.

unrestricted air

is also nice—I can feel the release!

I love the brisk metrical variation of L13—it feels entirely appropriate to the change of pace and scene, and the last line ties things up with satisfying simplicity.

[Julie Steiner]

Maybe "I'm feeling like the Mummy!" No one laughs.

[Joe Crocker]

Hi David

This had your usual small jokes which made me smile. Others have mentioned several. I particularly liked the "quick sit down" at the end. Very English. The title "and away" brought to mind the Paul Whitehouse, Bob Mortimer "Gone Fishing" series. While "googbye" v "au revoir" takes me to Peter Cook and Jonathan Miller in Beyond the Fringe
. I do have a tangled nest of odd associations in my head.

I had no problem with the “I feel like the Mummy!” No one laughs." line. It reads straightforwardly as a headless IP, so the stress goes on "I" and "like". The line I had a slight difficulty with was "My eyes dazzle briefly, as they might", which you could read as another headless IP, but less convincingly I think. More importantly, it appears that your eyes are doing the dazzling. Perhaps it follows on from the previous poems and the MRI has worked some powerful magic on your loveliness (we already know about your handsome ankles) or perhaps you really were being attended to by aliens and are now one of them. You could of course rephrase the line as "My eyes are dazzled briefly, as they might" which would restore the humdrum interpretation and the standard IP. On the other hand, I feel a new scifi series coming on.

Cheers

Joe

[David Callin]

Thanks Tony. I must get round to your latest! It's just that busy time of year, isn't it?

Thanks Alexandra. You're right, I chose "my partner" for metrical reasons, but I don't object to it anyway. I'm really pleased you're responded so positively to this short series.

Ah Julie, another good suggestion. Thanks for that.

Hi Joe. You have rumbled me on the title, which I thought might be perfect for people who have seen the TV programme (a lovely thing in itself), being (as you know) the catchphrase with which the fishermen tenderly release the caught fish back into the water. That's how I felt on my release. The Peter Cook and Dudley Moore connection didn't occur to me, but I saw what you mean as soon as I read it. An unintended (but not unwelcome) echo there.

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

I do have a tangled nest of odd associations in my head.

Funny you should say that. That's true for me too, a fact which is germane to "My eyes dazzle briefly, as they might". "Mine eyes dazzle" is a famous line from "The Duchess of Malfi" (one of my set texts for English A-Level). I've always liked it, and thought I'd use it here. I'm just a magpie.

Anyway, cheers to all

David