Hi Jim,
I reckon this might work better with more images, and maybe a clearer thematic connection of its elements.
As it stands it's fairly heavy on abstraction. In terms of images, there's a clearing. Birthday parties. Cake. And singing. So I'd maybe be looking to find a little more concrete imagery. Maybe there's a way to find specific examples to suggest the generalities that the piece currently offers?
In terms of motifs, there's the clearing suggests woods or forest, thraldom, which doesn't seem much connected with clearings/woodland, and the neither of two seem have much to do with the parties, cake and singing, those these last three are clearly connected.
Obviously things don't always have to connect, but it may be worth trying. For example, you could run with the clearing. So presumably there are trees, plant life, undergrowth animals. Maybe you could work with those? Or forget the clearing, and go with cakes and parties? What does thraldom look like in the context? What's the party/cake/singing equivalent of a clearing?
Best,
Matt
Last edited by Matt Q; 10-17-2024 at 04:41 PM.
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