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  #1  
Unread 01-28-2021, 04:20 PM
Jayne Osborn's Avatar
Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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Default Concrete poetry

Over on The Deep End, Golias posted a poem that ended up looking like this (see below). It started out as a different shape altogether. You can see the original thread here.

It's a fun idea... so let's have a go, shall we? A poem in any shape you like, on any topic you like. D & A is not a workshop board, but I'm sure comments and suggestions will be welcomed.

Jayne

Projected federal deficit spending, trade imbalances impending
.....and great unlikelihood of mending make it nearly sure
...........our dollar’s value would dramatically decline.
...............An unemployed working man may pay
...................two hundred for a bottle of wine
.......................and buy no more than two
..........................eighty-one dollar eggs
..............................for a hungry wife
.................................and his child
....................................who beg
.....................................not to
.......................................die
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  #2  
Unread 01-28-2021, 04:49 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Default



....................What I'm Shooting For


..........................................E-
........................................ven
........................................if .I
.....................................counted
....................................my head
....................................as a fifth
..................................limb, .each
.....limb .grasping .after .specks .of..food .floating past
...........in the current .and hauling .them .towards
..............a central mouth, (which, in this meta-
.....................phor, is not my actual mouth),
.........................scavenging, as I do, for
.........................shiny flecks of detritus,
....................... and becoming entangled
......................in them, I..........would still
.....................be more..................sea ane-
...................mone............................than
..................star....................................fish
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  #3  
Unread 01-29-2021, 01:15 PM
Jack Land Jack Land is offline
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Default

Deleted, March 24, 21

Last edited by Jack Land; 03-21-2021 at 07:21 AM.
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  #4  
Unread 01-29-2021, 01:53 PM
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Jane Crowson Jane Crowson is offline
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  #5  
Unread 01-29-2021, 02:02 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Hi Jack, I'm not really understanding yours as a concrete poem. How does the shape relate to / add to the poem?

Hey Sarah, I really like yours. I can start at any (leg?) and read it round, which is pretty cool. The shape seems to work for the sea theme. I'd happily read the left-most leg from right to left, and it seemed a little odd that it was the only one that started at the edge not the centre (though I can see why you've done that). So, anyhow, is it a starfish? Tell me it's a starfish. You know my feelings about starfish ...

Last edited by Matt Q; 01-29-2021 at 02:04 PM.
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Unread 01-29-2021, 02:03 PM
Matt Q Matt Q is offline
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Unread 01-29-2021, 02:16 PM
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Jane Crowson Jane Crowson is offline
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Hi Matt,

Mine is a starfish. I like your second one (starfish ghazal) very much indeed. I also enjoy wondering about starfish hangovers!

Sarah-Jane
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Unread 01-29-2021, 04:15 PM
Jack Land Jack Land is offline
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Deleted April 2, 2021

Last edited by Jack Land; 04-02-2021 at 04:38 AM.
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  #9  
Unread 01-30-2021, 06:01 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
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xxxxxquite under
xxdon'txxxxxxstand
xtoo,xxxxxxxxxxxhow
I,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxJack's
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxpiece
xxxxxxxxxxxxxcan
xxxxxxxxxxxbe
xxxxxxxxcon-
xxxxxxxxsid-
xxxxxxxered
xxxxxxto be
xxxxxxa con-
xxxxxxcrete
xxxxxxpoem

xxxxxxxxh
xxxxxxexxxl
xxxxxxxxp

Last edited by Brian Allgar; 01-30-2021 at 06:26 AM.
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  #10  
Unread 01-30-2021, 06:22 AM
Brian Allgar Brian Allgar is offline
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I'd forgotten that this blasted site won't allow multiple spaces. Never again!
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