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  #1  
Unread 01-25-2025, 04:01 AM
Glenn Wright Glenn Wright is online now
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Default At the American Museum of Natural History

Version 2
At the American Museum of Natural History

Stuffed and saddled, a baby brontosaurus
was standing lifelike in the Reptile Hall:
Lonesome George, a Pinta Island tortoise,
last of his kind. His story was on the wall.

How could he know a thousand generations
of ancestors had put their hope in him?
His species’ instinct for its preservation
was foiled by sailors or climatic whim.

I thought of Beowulf and the last survivor
placing his people’s treasure in the earth,
of Uncas and Ishi, fruitlessly alive, or
waiting for death’s mockery of their birth.

More than a century George lived alone.
Now, taxidermied, he’s been turned to stone.
————————
Edits:
S1L1: Lifelike, stuffed, a baby brontosaurus > Stuffed and saddled, a baby brontosaurus
S1L2: Saddled for riding stood in the Reptile Hall: > was standing lifelike in the Reptile Hall:
S1L4: last of his kind, his story on the wall. > last of his kind. His story was on the wall.



Version 1
At the American Museum of Natural History

The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before us,
and something stranger in the Reptile Hall.
It looked like a stuffed baby brontosaurus
saddled for riding, its story on the wall.

This was Lonesome George, the last of his kind,
a Pinta Island tortoise, thought to have been
extinct. An endling, he had been confined
for decades, living a century without kin.

He didn’t know the thousandth generation
of ancestors would dwindle down to him.
His species’ instinct for its preservation
was foiled by humans or some Darwinian whim.

I thought of Beowulf and the last survivor
placing his people’s treasure in the earth,
of Uncas and Ishi, fruitlessly alive, or
waiting for death’s mockery of their birth.
————————
Edits:
S1L1: The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before me, >The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before us.
S1L3: It looked like a stuffed, baby brontosaurus > It looked like a stuffed baby brontosaurus
S2L4: for decades. He’d lived a century without kin. > for decades, living a century without kin.
S3L4: was thwarted by chance or some Darwinian whim. > was foiled by hunters or some Darwinian whim. > was foiled by humans or some Darwinian whim.

Last edited by Glenn Wright; 02-07-2025 at 01:50 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 01-25-2025, 01:03 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Glenn, your first stanza took me right back to childhood, when I visited the same place. In S1L3, I think you don't need the comma to separate those adjectives, since their order can't be switched. In S2, the last two sentences might read better if combined, possibly with a comma to link them: "decades, lived." In S3, it struck me that humanity was likely responsible for the extinction of his species, directly or indirectly. Perhaps you could avoid the overlap of "chance" and "Darwinian whim" by including that possibility. The saddle looks a lot like evidence of exploitation by humans. In your last line, "mockery" sounds like anthropomorphizing death. Maybe something like "to cancel out their birth."

Susan
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  #3  
Unread 01-25-2025, 01:58 PM
Glenn Wright Glenn Wright is online now
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Hi, Susan

Thanks very much for taking time to reflect and comment on my poem. As always, your advice is very helpful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Susan McLean View Post
In S1L3, I think you don't need the comma to separate those adjectives, since their order can't be switched.
Corrected.

In S2, the last two sentences might read better if combined, possibly with a comma to link them: "decades, lived."
Agreed. The resulting line is much smoother.

In S3, it struck me that humanity was likely responsible for the extinction of his species, directly or indirectly. Perhaps you could avoid the overlap of "chance" and "Darwinian whim" by including that possibility.
Good point. Natural selection is largely a matter of chance. Apparently the best guess about why Pinta Island tortoises went extinct is that goats introduced into the Galápagos Islands by human settlers destroyed the vegetation they depended upon.

The saddle looks a lot like evidence of exploitation by humans.
I had intended the saddle to be the tortoise’s shell. Pinta Island tortoises had extremely long necks and forelegs, and at first glance, they look like a smaller version of a brontosaurus or diplodocus that someone had put a saddle on. Here is a picture: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lonesome_George

In your last line, "mockery" sounds like anthropomorphizing death. Maybe something like "to cancel out their birth."
My thinking here was to personify death as a mocking adversary at war with life and birth. He is mocking because he won this battle and the taxidermy that attempts to make George look lifelike simply creates a mockery of life. It also suggests that the birth of endlings is a mockery of life, since they will be unable to reproduce. I will give some further thought to the question of whether adding this undeveloped personification so close to the end is a distraction.
Thanks again!

Glenn

Last edited by Glenn Wright; 01-25-2025 at 02:31 PM.
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  #4  
Unread 01-25-2025, 04:51 PM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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Glenn, I see what you mean about the shell looking a bit like a saddle on this species. I was confused because I have seen old photos of humans riding giant tortoises at zoos (it used to be a thing).

When you mentioned Darwin, I took it as an allusion to scientific explanations, which is the opposite of the anthropomorphizing you do at the end. Also, the allusions to Beowulf, Uncas, and Ishi evoke a tragic tone, while mockery has a jeering, sardonic overtone.

Susan
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  #5  
Unread 01-25-2025, 05:59 PM
Glenn Wright Glenn Wright is online now
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Hi, Susan

I was thinking that a “Darwinian whim” would be a natural cause for extinction not directly involving human activity—something like a plague or climate change. I envisioned the species as the protagonist in the tragedy of extinction and death (whatever its cause) as the antagonist.

I don’t think that tragic and mocking tones are necessarily mutually exclusive. Both are forms of irony, and many tragic heroes lament being mocked by Fate. (I’m thinking of Macbeth’s “Tomorrow and tomorrow” speech, or the blinded Gloucester in King Lear saying “as flies to wanton boys are we to the gods;/ they kill us for their sport.”)

Glenn

Last edited by Glenn Wright; 01-25-2025 at 06:11 PM.
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  #6  
Unread 01-30-2025, 11:11 AM
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Rick Mullin Rick Mullin is offline
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Hi Glenn,

The opening stanzas are essentiallyu informational and too rhyme-chimey. The last stanza is the poem, but of course the poem needs more. Consider starting the poem with what is now that stanza. In media res. You may not need to describe a visit to the museum at all given the title. In fact, I think you shouldn't include that description. Pick up on the thread of imagination and feeling in that last stanza after making it the first and don't bog down on Darwin. This notion is informed by a peculiar taste, I suppose, but I hope it's useful.

Rick
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  #7  
Unread 01-30-2025, 03:46 PM
Glenn Wright Glenn Wright is online now
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Hi, Rick

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I condensed and toned down the rhymes in the jingly first two stanzas. I wanted to keep the image of the baby brontosaurus in order to emphasize the strange “otherness” of George. It takes the N a few moments to realize what kind of animal he is looking at.

The shift from narration to speculation at L9 serves as a kind of volta, and the concluding couplet clarifies what “mockery” means in context. The poem wanted to be a sonnet about loneliness.

I appreciate your discerning analysis.

Glenn
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  #8  
Unread 01-30-2025, 05:16 PM
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Rick Mullin Rick Mullin is offline
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Same problem with description, though. Read that last stanza in the initial version. I am immersed in the poem beginning in that fashion. I'm sitting an waiting with the scene setting that explicitly tells me that you are going to recount a visit to the museum.
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  #9  
Unread 01-30-2025, 09:10 PM
Glenn Wright Glenn Wright is online now
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Hi, Rick

I’m trying to envision a poem that begins with S4 in the original version an I’m drawing a blank. I suppose I could knit a couple more quatrains about endlings and extinction, but that isn’t the poem I want to write. I want the focus to be about the experience of seeing Lonesome George and exploring the thoughts and feelings that experience produced. Thus, the poem needs to begin with a re-creation of that experience as the cause of the consequent effects.

I appreciate you sharing your reactions, and feel that you helped me tighten the poem. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is ever going to be the poem you would like it to be.

Thanks for your input.

Glenn

Last edited by Glenn Wright; 01-30-2025 at 09:16 PM.
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  #10  
Unread 02-06-2025, 03:16 PM
Ashley Bowen Ashley Bowen is offline
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Hi, Glenn,

Honestly, I think I prefer the first version. S1 in the revision is kind of tortured whereas S1 in the original form has, in my opinion, much crisper and direct language (though I think your impulse to change L1 in the original was a good one).

I don't have much more to add than that, except Death laughing is a little well-worn as an idea.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn Wright View Post
Version 2
At the American Museum of Natural History

Lifelike, stuffed, a baby brontosaurus
Saddled for riding stood in the Reptile Hall:
Lonesome George, a Pinta Island tortoise,
last of his kind, his story on the wall.

How could he know a thousand generations
of ancestors had put their hope in him?
His species’ instinct for its preservation
was foiled by sailors or climatic whim.

I thought of Beowulf and the last survivor
placing his people’s treasure in the earth,
of Uncas and Ishi, fruitlessly alive, or
waiting for death’s mockery of their birth.

More than a century George lived alone.
Now, taxidermied, he’s been turned to stone.


Version 1
At the American Museum of Natural History

The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before us,
and something stranger in the Reptile Hall.
It looked like a stuffed baby brontosaurus
saddled for riding, its story on the wall.

This was Lonesome George, the last of his kind,
a Pinta Island tortoise, thought to have been
extinct. An endling, he had been confined
for decades, living a century without kin.

He didn’t know the thousandth generation
of ancestors would dwindle down to him.
His species’ instinct for its preservation
was foiled by humans or some Darwinian whim.

I thought of Beowulf and the last survivor
placing his people’s treasure in the earth,
of Uncas and Ishi, fruitlessly alive, or
waiting for death’s mockery of their birth.
————————
Edits:
S1L1: The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before me, >The blue whale and T. rex stretched out before us.
S1L3: It looked like a stuffed, baby brontosaurus > It looked like a stuffed baby brontosaurus
S2L4: for decades. He’d lived a century without kin. > for decades, living a century without kin.
S3L4: was thwarted by chance or some Darwinian whim. > was foiled by hunters or some Darwinian whim. > was foiled by humans or some Darwinian whim.
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