[Susan McLean]

Prima Donna

So, was it envy, spite, or pride,
Donna, that prompted you to hide
library books you thought we'd need
to write our papers? Was it greed
to win a fellowship, or thirst
to trip us up so you'd be first?
And then what hubris made you boast
you'd sandbagged us? The need to roast
us for our lack of guile, to crow
about how much we didn't know?

You claim you now help women find
their inner goddess and peace of mind.
But time, which turns us inside out,
can't shake my tendency to doubt
this new approach you're banking on.
A change of heart? Another con?

Revision:
S2L4-5 was "cannot unkink my bent to doubt / this new tack you're relying on." Then "shake" was "oust."

[Julie Steiner]

Hi, Susan! I enjoyed this.

I'm not sure I quite follow how time turns us inside out. (I am probably being too literal again.)

It might be fun, after mentioning finding inner goddesses, to list a few possible candidates that Donna would have special expertise in finding: Eris, Nemesis, etc.

[Carl Copeland]

Yes, this is fun, Susan. A couple of thoughts:

I read L1 as headless with an anapestic second foot. Knowing you, that’s likely intentional, but you could also drop the comma after “So” for regular iambic tet. It works either way for me.

S2L4-5 gave me pause. They’re easy enough to understand, but still seem overly complex to me. “Bent” at first seemed odd and unnecessary, though I guess you’re playing on “bent” as a tendency and as something that’s been bent and needs unkinking. In that case, you’re suspicious that your own doubt could be a little twisted. The nautical metaphor of “tack” adds a further twist.

It’s a credit to your powers of description that I feel like I know Donna, though no one in my memory really fits the bill.

[Susan McLean]

Thanks for the responses. This poem got its start when I read that Cosmic Daffodil Journal has a theme of the Seven Deadly Sins (deadline Jan 25, for anyone who is interested). I have already written a series of poems on that theme about myself, but it struck me that other people might also fit the theme. But I had trouble deciding which of them fit the main character. When I looked online to see what she might be doing today, imagine my surprise.

Julie, by "turns us inside out" I just meant that some people do change over time, even dramatically. Since I was going with the Seven Deadly Sins, I think mentioning Greek goddesses might muddy the waters. But it is a fun idea.

Carl, I read L1 as having an initial trochee. I too find S2L4-5 a bit tricky to follow. I will see if I can't make it less clotted. One of my sisters had a roommate who sounded a lot like Donna. I think her type is more common than one might hope.

Susan

[Carl Copeland]

An initial trochee—yes, that’s a simpler description than mine. Whatever, it works.

[Jim Moonan]

.
I'm assuming her first name was coincidentally Donna, although poetic license would also also allow it, I think. I think the poem is karmic. A kind of gotcha moment seized by the victim/N to regain her dignity. I think it's brilliant. One might make a case of it indicating the inability of the N to move on, but I think the poem itself provides the opportunity to do just that. The hubris of Donna to gloat in the aftermath is enough to make one hold a grudge for life. That the N suspects it is another con is understandable.

Unlike Julie, I instinctively feel what you mean by "But time, which turns us inside out / cannot unkink my bent to doubt" and it is my favorite part of the poem.

Tight as a drum.



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Coming back to say, fwiw, I don't see much connection to the seven deadly sins and even if I did, in this context I think it would be overkill.

.

[Julie Steiner]

Oh. I didn't pick up on the Seven Deadly Sins, probably because "spite" isn't one of them. Would you consider changing that one to "wrath" so it's more recognizable?

I see spite as different from wrath. More like "I'm looking for ways to do something nasty to someone, with or without cause, so that I can feel powerful and superior." Wrath is more "I'm looking for ways to do something nasty to someone who has made me angry; I want to punish them so that I can feel that justice has been served." In Donna's case, it's more likely to be the former, but I'm just thinking of the rubric here.

"Thirst" isn't one of the deadly sins, either, but it's close enough to gluttony (and traditional depictions of it that include alcohol along with food) that I don't have a problem with it.

Any way you could slip lust in there (probably metaphorically), and perhaps suggest that in her older years, a more meditative approach might be due to sloth, because scheming is just so exhausting?

[Susan McLean]

Jim, yes, her name was Donna. I decided I wanted to make the ending clearer, with fewer double negatives. I also decided that Cosmic Daffodil Journal does not look like a promising venue for this poem, so I don't have to stick to the deadly sins to make it work. But no regrets: anything that leads to a poem is a good thing, even if the poem eventually goes its own way.

Julie, see my comments to Jim. "Wrath" didn't seem to fit the context as well as spite, so I have abandoned the deadly sins theme.

Susan