[Jayne Osborn]

Two Spherians in this month’s line-up – 50% of the page, if not the big money! – so many congratulations to Bazza (aka Iain Colley) and Martin.
(I’ve been very careful to reproduce this page as it appears, so any mistakes aren’t mine, folks.)

Here’s the report by Tom Fleming, Deputy Editor:

The subject this month was ‘snakes’. First place went to Frank Mc Donald (for some reason they’ve twice left a space between Mc and Donald in the magazine) who receives £300, kindly sponsored by the Mail on Sunday; while Noel Petty’s wonderful entry wins second prize and £150. A common theme among many entries was snakes and ladders; Martin Parker’s was the best of those, and is printed below; like Iain Colley, he receives £10. Next month’s subject is ‘islands’. Poems, rhyming and scanning, to arrive by 26 April please.

A reminder: that’s either to: The Literary Review, 44 Lexington Street, London W1F 0LW or editorial@literaryreview.co.uk

First Prize: A Serpent’s Soliloquy
by Frank Mc Donald
We have our exits and our entrances
like man. We court no favour and we find
distance is wise, proximity is death.
We are the villains in your fine romances,
condemned to be cursed and cornered if we wind
near your forked uprighteousness. And in your myth
you blamed us for your disobedience. Why?
Like you we eat, we sleep, we live to live
letting our programmed lives slip serpentine
round time’s obstructive shapes. Like you we die
but shed no guilty souls gods might forgive.
Whatever made your mysteries, made mine.

Experience has taught us true deceit
is not in our possession, but in yours.
The hells we come across are brightly lit
with man’s abominations and his flowers
have the stench of evil. Man’s hypocrisy
sees poison in our acts but thinks his own
are fused with love. Yet there is treachery
in everything he’s mastered, all he’s won.

We leave intact the structures that we meet:
man wreaks destruction; serpents kill to eat.
And if man’s made in the image of his God,
then heaven’s the home of violence fraud. (sic) (‘and’ missing from this line, I assume)


Second Prize: And now stand by for an important message
by Noel Petty
Do you have dry, unmanageable hair?
Do people stare?
And, staring, do they sometimes give a moan
and turn to stone?
Do you believe you’re starting to lose friends
by those split ends?
And do those ends at times whip out like stalks
with venomed forks?
And does your hair, when you’re shampooing it,
wriggle and spit?
If so, my dear, it seems to be short odds
you’ve riled the gods.
But don’t look to some haruspicial chancer –
We have the answer!
Here in our labs these grave, white-coated men
have once again
refined a preparation old as Man:
Medusa-ban!
Apply it nightly and observe its balm-
inducing calm!
Our staff have worked a lifetime to unearth it
because you’re worth it!

The Calumniated Snake by Iain Colley
Snake-slander rules. In Genesis
Eve listens to the serpent’s hiss,
Accepts the scrumptious proposition,
And snakes are sentenced to perdition.

Sequential to her sinful breach,
The slur still surfaces in speech:
The snitching grass, the ghastly shandy,
The sneaky modus operandi.

Medusa’s hair, ‘The Speckled Band’. . .
So constant, this symbolic strand
Of snake-hate. Even D H Lawrence
Once saw a snake with shocked abhorrence.

Ophidiophobia in the West
Mistreats a reptile as a pest.
Elsewhere sound sense survives, so viva
Those snakes whose coils distinguish Shiva.


Snakes by Martin Parker
I’m the serpent that is waiting,
elongated and malign,
for the Snakes and Ladders player
who should land on 99.

I’m the cause of children’s tantrums,
fathers’ furies, mothers’ sighs,
‘careless’ counting, sleight of hand
and frequent downright lies
as I lie there salivating,
a malevolent surprise
for the smug self-satisfaction
in all-but winner’s eyes.

So long as Man’s ambition lives
and dreams of conquest thrive
his lust to climb Life’s ladders
will ensure that I survive
by feeding on the hopes of those
who seek a victor’s crown
but find, just one step from the throne,
their path leads sharply down.

[Birthe Myers]

Well, I don't know about you, but I think the two poems that won are not nearly as clever or as amusing as the two from here.

[Martin Parker]

Jayne, Thanks for posting that. For the record I must make clear that I am a stickler for apostrophes and the last line of v 2, as sent to the Lit. Rev., was " .. in AN almost winner's eyes." They have now published my stuff twice, each time with an error.

Birthe, Thank you. I agree, of course!

Incidentally, here in rural North Devon my favourite local Bakery sells "Sandwich'es." And I recently saw a display of "Tomatoe's' " -- sadly, a failure at attempted bet-hedging, I suspect!

[Jayne Osborn]

Martin,

Is it an error in that line - or have they made an executive decision to change it? I've heard of comp winners many a time who have had lines altered by the judge(s) - an outrageous practice IMO (with the exception of an obvious little typo that's been missed in an otherwise brilliant poem).
Would you like me to change it?

I agree with Birthe - "We You was robbed!" as some of the footballers say. Your poem's great

... and don't even start me on the misuse of apostophes! One of my students wrote 'The teachers' book's were on the table' and 'the bird was in it's nest', prior to the lesson on apostrophes, I hasten to add, so I didn't have to lock her in a cupboard for a week, after all.

[Martin Parker]

Jayne, If they had decided to make the winners plural they would have needed to change my apostrophe. So I suspect they have simply been careless. Whatever happened to Copy and Paste?

And on apostrophes -- (i've started, so I'll finish.....)


Greengrocers Apostrophe’s


Potatoe’s and Tomatoes’?

Why make a fuss?
Soon nobody will care,
not even us.

Or us|