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  #11  
Unread 01-17-2019, 01:22 AM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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I’m not seeing that change to “A purposeful contralto purrs.” Did you change your mind? I liked the alternative better.

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Andrew, “You” and Li-ling are not yet married, though you are living together. Would you prefer “Let’s do a tit for tat” or “Let’s do a little trade” over “Let’s do a quid pro quo”?
Yes, I do prefer “tit for tat.” Then again, it depend on how you’re thinking of the character. Mark has a point that a villain with intellectual pretentions might say “quid pro quo.” Is this crook of that ilk?

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The “harpy” is currently “threatening,” so I think I prefer what’s there now. Do you prefer

That harpy threatening
Li-ling’s life won’t let her keep it,
but you’ve gotta go and give yours, anyway,
die, too, for your darling.

Or

That harpy threatening
Li-ling’s life won’t let her keep it;
you’ve gotta go and give yours, anyway,
die, too, for your darling.
I see you’ve gone for the second, which would have been my choice.

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I don’t think the “but” makes a pentameter in this accentual system.
Huh! But you cut it after all!
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  #12  
Unread 01-17-2019, 12:57 PM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Andrew, do you mean that you prefer "a purposeful contralto purrs"? It does have "purr" x2.
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  #13  
Unread 01-17-2019, 06:23 PM
Andrew Frisardi Andrew Frisardi is offline
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Yes, Aaron, I like that phrase. It's dense and onomatopoeic.
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  #14  
Unread 01-17-2019, 08:19 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
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With some liquid in the middle. I like it too.

John
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  #15  
Unread 01-18-2019, 09:57 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Alright, I'm going back to "A purposeful contralto purrs." Thank you, gentles.
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