[Lightning Bug]

My variation on the theme. They were easy, as they're straight translations of everyday German words. ;O.)

Dovetailpipedreamlandmine;
Headstonewallpapercutback
(Workmanhandlebarkeepsake),
Shuffleboardwalkaboutfaceplate.


Bugsy

[Marilyn Taylor]

The preceding poems are clever and fun; but-- at the risk of sounding cranky and defensive-- I suggest that with the exception of Katy's poem, which really does contain some bone-a fide music , they lack poetic artistry of any kind (although I enjoyed those Australian place-names, Henry!). I realize that incorporating "artistry", however you would define it, was not anybody's goal here, but I do think it was Francis's-- and I think he succeeded.

While "Silent Poem" would never qualify as Great Poetry, I maintain that it has a great deal going for it, aesthetically speaking. The graceful trochaic tetrameter, for one thing. Beyond that, I think it accomplishes exactly what Jan's quote suggests the poet wanted to accomplish, i.e. "to make a poem out of these words, fitting them together like a patchwork quilt. . .a picture of old-time New England...moving from wildwood to dwelling, outdoors and in, then out and up to pasture and down to millstream." There was nothing arbitrary going on here, and I respectfully suggest that the poem is no mere list of related words. My feeling is that it's a lot more sophisticated than it seems.

Marilyn

[Kate Benedict]

I guess you meant "Kate." Bones and Stars basically is written in alliterative meter and perhaps deserves some notice there. I hoped to invite the reader to contemplate the way we humans name things and the way we humans are, as Carl Sagan put it, made of "star stuff." I'm rather grateful you set us to the exercise, Marilyn!

At any rate, you are right: what at first glance may seem like nonsense or "not poetry" can, upon deeper reflection, seem revelatory. RF's definitely is like that.

[Lightning Bug]

Huh?!?! Well, gee... you got that mine was free verse, didn't you? I mean, because I usually write metrical, and if you were expecting that, you were naturally disappointed. But I've done some stuff that's pretty good. "To His Koi Mistress" was Folly's debut poem, and I was getting a lot better before I left the board for about a year. I've been back for a while, now, but I have to admit it was a setback.

I don't guess you saw my "Odd Pair of Bloomers" when I posted it on The Deep End? That one rocked.

I was worried about L3 because "workman" is pronounced WORKmun, and it would be better if it was WORK-MAN, because it's sort of weird when you go like, "munHANDLE". I'll probably revise that.

I guess I shouldn't have left the forum, eh? Stupid! STUPID!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with me?!?! I guess it was starting to lose my hair so early. 18, you know. That's rough. Cantor's still got his, and don't think he doesn't let you know it, too.

I dunno. I'll try seperating the words. whatever.

[Marilyn Taylor]

Kate, I am sorry I called you Katy in error. I hate it when that sort of thing happens, e.g. when people decide to call me "Mare." Not great.

Marilyn

[diprinzio]

These are dedicated-fan poems. A writer should keep these to a minimum per book, I think. If, like Paterson, the rest of your book is amazing, then, no harm done. Just something for the puzzle-lovers. This one below offers more clues, in the title and in what precedes the list of stops. It's actually pretty fun when you have an interesting list made by a master poet with something, (you're sure) in mind. In poems like these the poet uses a different mode of commenting on the subject matter: sequence, repetition of closely associated words and juxtaposition are the new mode: alarm clock, shower, traffic, desk, is a crude example. Something is definitely and clearly being said by "Little Fardle-Packhorse-Carrot":

"Fardle" is a burden, packhorse carries burden, carrot leads packhorse

Spiral Wood is another way of saying [Dusty] Drum.

The words in the Francis poem just aren't as evocative as here, where Dusty Drum

Honeyhole and Bee Cott

Red Roofs, Ark Hill, Egypt are trying to tell us something.

The way the poem begins with pastoral subject matter and moves to something more gruesome at the end is also part of the mystery.

14:50: Rosekinghall
by Don Paterson

(Beeching Memorial Railway,
Forfarshire Division)

The next train on Platform 6 will be the 14:50
Rosekinghall-Gallowshill and Blindwell, calling at:

Fairygreen-Templelands-Stars of Firthneth-Silverwells-
Honeyhole-Bee Cott-Pleasance-Sunnyblink-
Butterglen-Heatherhaugh-StBride's Ring-Diltie Moss-
Silvie-Leyshade-Bourtreebush-Little Fithie-
Dusty Drum-Spiral Wood-Wandershiell-Windygates-
Red Roofs-Ark Hill-Egypt-Formal-
Letter-Laverockhall-Windyedge-Catchpenny-
Framedrum-Drumtick-Little Fardle-Packhorse-
Carrot-Clatterbrigs-Smyrna-Bucklerheads-
Outfield-Jericho-Horn-Roughstones-
Loak-Skitchen-Sturt-Oathlaw-
Wolflaw-Farnought-Drunkendubs-Stronetic-
Ironharrow Well-Goats-Tarbrax-Dameye-
Dummiesholes-Caldhame-Hagmuir-Slug of Auchrannie-
Baldragon-Thorn-Wreaths-Spurn Hill-
Drowndubs-The Bloody Inches-Halfway-Groan,
where the train will divide

[Kate Benedict]

I love that! Mysterious, yes, but also fanciful and funny, at least to me. I'm getting off at Drunkendubs, myself.

[diprinzio]

I've read an interpretation where the poem's shape on the page and the poem itself are supposed to indicate an army, a cavalry and infantry campaigning through Scotland. I can't say for sure what it's really all about, but it's fun to make sense of a few names in a row, for instance, the last three: the Bloody Inches-Halfway-Groan, where the train will divide. Now think sex. I'll leave it to your imagination.



[This message has been edited by diprinzio (edited June 04, 2006).]

[Catherine Chandler]

I think the Robert Francis poem is lovely.

Catherine

[Sarah Skwire]

I think we might want to have George Herbert's "Prayer (I)" included in the discussion. It seems to me to do much of what the Francis poem (which I really like) does, and to perhaps make what it is doing a little more explicit.


Prayer (I)

Prayer the church's banquet, angel's age,
God's breath in man returning to his birth,
The soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage,
The Christian plummet sounding heaven and earth

Engine against th' Almighty, sinner's tower,
Reversed thunder, Christ-side-piercing spear,
The six-days world transposing in an hour,
A kind of tune, which all things hear and fear;

Softness, and peace, and joy, and love, and bliss,
Exalted manna, gladness of the best,
Heaven in ordinary, man well dressed,
The milky way, the bird of Paradise,

Church-bells beyond the stars heard, the soul's blood,
The land of spices; something understood.