[George Simmers]

Competition 4166 asks you to compose a lonely-hearts ad from "a well-known person, living or dead, real or fictional." An example given of "Gent, early sixties" seeking companion, preferably female "with command of French and total respect for discipline, for new happiness and mutual exploration in cheerful rural asylum. Apply M de S."
The setter stresses "Make sure the sender reveals who s/he is in the body of the copy"
Max 100 words by 24 Feb to comp@newstatesman.co.uk

[John Whitworth]

Thanks George. You forgot to say you won a prize in the animals comp. And Lance Levens got an honourable mensh.

[Orwn Acra]

When do we find out about the "Clever Staggers" comp, as you called it, John?

[John Whitworth]

Nothing there for anyone, Orwn, I'm afraid. The news from the Staggers is intermittent because I do not buy the thing. I bought it once when I was a winner. Next time I am I will buy it again. meanwhile all you get is what I remember or copy down from the one in the university paper shop I suspect George many be the same. He has a copy this week because being a winner encouraged him to invest three pounds in a copy. I subscribe to both The Speccie and The Oldie.

[George Simmers]

There may be dabate about whether the writer of this ad is real or fictional, but since both are allowed, I think I'll submit it:

Older than Adam? Yes, but I’m still the answer to a young girl’s prayers! Benevolent deity (Potent? Omni!) with GSOH and own thunderbolts WLTM pious-minded virgin for productive fun and assistance in ambitious project. I promise you’ll be filled with joy! For a heavenly future, apply Big G.

[Lance Levens]

Tongue-tied buttinsky, voluminously wealthy seeks rat-a-tat-tat tête a tête tête with wit-wielding feminista of the penurious class. Apply Pemberley House, Derbyshire.

[Max Goodman]

Attractive male, very single, good at naming things, seeks companion to share paradise. Needn't be fancy dresser. Be the only woman for me and enjoy all the fruit you could want--within reason. Respond to THE MAN (or leave the envelope blank; I'll know it's for me).

[You gave me the inspiration, George.]

[Max Goodman]

Anyone know whether these folks welcome multiple submissions and, if so, whether one sends them all together with a different pseudonym attached to each as, unless I misunderstand, one does for the Speccie?

[John Whitworth]

You can send a lot under your own name. Bazza won one of these things with about five entries at something like a fiver a win.

[Max Goodman]

Thank you, John.