[Jayne Osborn]

Well-deserved prize-winning entries from Sylvia and Annie – congratulations, ladies – and an HM for Bazza (G M Davis) too. I’d been hoping my anti-dancing in the kitchen poem might attract some attention but, nay, not so.

Next comp is ‘Room on top’ (See new thread for more details)

Jayne

The Oldie Competition
by TESSA CASTRO

In Competition no 196 you were invited to compose a poem, ‘Always dance in the kitchen’. Chicory figured quite often among the entries – paired with Terpsichore. Alixe Bainbridge-Spring had fun rhyming ‘alone’ and ‘mascarpone’. John Griffiths-Colby served up an excellent Auden in a different sauce: ‘Wash all the crocks; cut up a decent scone, / Prevent the floor from shaking with a hefty tome.’ G M Davis advised: ‘Don’t ever dance in the toilet./The space there is hopelessly small./It really would rankle to fracture an ankle/While kicking a hole in the wall.’ Commiserations to them and congratulations to those printed below, each of whom wins £25, with the bonus prize of an all-dancing Chambers Biographical Dictionary going to Sylvia Fairley.

My kitchenette’s become a stage,
a space in which I can engage
my skill with ceps and chicory
while honouring Terpsichore.
I don a tutu and discard
my apron, to prepare roulade
and other gastronomic fare
while entrechatting pieds en l’air.

While rustling up a Crêpe Suzette
I execute a pirouette
and dance pas seule, yet meals for one
don’t quell my craving; when I’m done
I cry into my sauce chasseur
while yearning for a pas de deux.
A plat du jour for two’d enhance
the kitchen where I always dance.
Sylvia Fairley

You always dance in the kitchen and you twirl like a wild banshee,
You pirouette with a fat courgette as you snack on a mangetout pea,
You swing and shake with a fillet of hake, while the cat stands by aggrieved,
And your palais glide with a beef topside must be seen to be believed.
I come alive when I see you jive past the bowl of kiwi fruit,
That smart foxtrot with the eggs cocotte makes me faint, you look so cute.
You twist and shout round a nice brown trout and a plate of fennel gratin
Your entrechat is way above par when it’s poised over rhubarb tatin.
Your linzertorte as you pull up short in the middle of a tango
Tastes quite divine, and I know you’re mine when you sashy round a mango.
Oh you’ve always been my dancing queen; you come on like Pavlova,
(That’s cream and fruit and meringue to boot, and it really rolls me over).
G M Southgate

I chanced to dance in the kitchen
on a day when the sky was blue.
As the soufflé rose,
and the sorbet froze,
and my dreams were yet to come true.

I often danced in the kitchen
when our life was sunny and fair.
I made the toast,
and the Sunday roast,
and adored the life we all shared.

I always dance in the kitchen
now the blue sky has turned to grey.
My meal for one
is easily done,
and to dance keeps the clouds at bay.
Dinah Chaffin

I dream of whizzing in Vienna’s waltzes,
A weightless penguin-driven shuttlecock;
Of tangos intimate as peristalsis
Belly-to-belly in a languid lock
With a flat-hatted Buenos Airean.
Or booty-bobbing to a reggae beat
With an accommodating Rastafarian.
Sometimes I jive on little twinkling feet,
Whisking my knickers through my partner’s crotch
And yet the people passing in the street,
If they should look, will only get to watch
An old girl doing a flatfooted bop
Around the kitchen with a squidgy mop.
Ann Drysdale

[Ann Drysdale]

Does anyone know whereunto one should address a query regarding non-receipt of a prize. I've won several Oldie comps and always had a complimentary copy and a cheque in my hand before the result was out. Sylvia had exactly that this time - but I have heard nothing. I've given up on the Staggers, but the Oldie!

It must have gone astray. I shall ask, politely - but whom?

[Sylvia Fairley]

Originally Posted by Ann Drysdale

Does anyone know whereunto one should address a query regarding non-receipt of a prize. I've won several Oldie comps and always had a complimentary copy and a cheque in my hand before the result was out. Sylvia had exactly that this time - but I have heard nothing. I've given up on the Staggers, but the Oldie!

It must have gone astray. I shall ask, politely - but whom?

I'd ask Tessa politely and she can pass it on to whoever deals with it. Still nothing from the Staggers? Have they got your bank details? They like that sort of thing.

[Ann Drysdale]

Yes - the Staggers have the details. Vicky confirmed that she'd passed them on. Said she'd hassle "them" for me.

Oldie-wise, I was wonderng if there was any other way to contact Tessa than via "comps@..."

I think perhaps God just wants me to be poor. A sort of vocation, eh? I shall try to be worthy of it.

Happy New Year, everybody.
.

[Sylvia Fairley]

Happy New Year to you too Ann - 'blessed are the poor...'

[Ann Drysdale]

Well, if you're going to take that beatitude...

[Jayne Osborn]

Leave it to me, Annie... I'll have a word with the Oldie people (after the hols when everyone's back at work). I've had to do this several times over the years and I haven't yet failed to get a result!

Happy New Year!

Jayne

[Ann Drysdale]

Thank you, Jayne. I don't doubt for a minute that they sent it - they've never let me down before, it's just that I didn't get it.

But I don't want to make them cross as I want to win more comps. I am a success junkie.

[Jayne Osborn]

You won a prize - therefore you must receive it. It's called ''fair and square'' - no one will be cross, so don't worry on that score.

I'm a justice junkie.

Jayne

[Ann Drysdale]

See what they say to my polite enquiry of a day or so ago. I think telling you about it might make me what Quincy calls a Narc and I think that's worse than wotsits. I'd rather be a Good Egg than a Breadhead. It is my New Year Resolution (aka making virtue out of necessity).