[John Whitworth]

In the Winners and Losers Competition most of the winners were losers, if you take my meaning. Basil Ransome Davies deservedly took gold with his wonderful moan. Frank Osen also won money with his winner's delight. I had 'em both spotted, I tell you. Bill Greenwell and Chris O'carroll were both near the money but not near enough.

This week's competition must prove popular with a well-read bunch like you. Who is up for Herman Melville and the Whale?

No. 2639: Conversation piece
You are invited to submit a dialogue, in verse or in prose (16 lines/150 words maximum), between a well-known writer and one of his or her creations. Please email entries, where possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 17 March.

Look in 'Competition' for the winners.

[basil ransome-davies]

2639 is toothsome, innit?

[Marion Shore]

Originally Posted by John Whitworth

This week's competition must prove popular with a well-read bunch like you. Who is up for Herman Melville and the Whale?

That would be a short one:

HM: Ah my great white muse, how you have inspired me to plumb the psychological, metaphysical and spiritual depths of obsession--
MD: Get over it.

[Orwn Acra]

Marion, I think it would be more like:

HM: Ah my great white muse, how you have inspired me to plumb the psychological, metaphysical and spiritual depths of obsession--

MD: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[Marion Shore]

Orwn, You're right. I thought a translation was in order here.

P.S. where did you learn Whalish?

[Orwn Acra]

In Wales. .....

[Marion Shore]

Orwn,
LOL

[John Whitworth]

OK scoffers. Here's your perishing whale.

Conversation Piece

I am the man who wrote the book,
My Fable of colossal scale
With symbols everywhere you look.
I am the man. I am the whale.

I am the poor, benighted fish
Harpooned to make your cunning plan
Come out exactly as you wish.
I am the whale. I am the man

Who wrote the book, that is to say
My Masterpiece of Sea and Sail,
My Epic of the USA,
I am the man. I am the whale.

I am the spawn of Jonah’s fish.
I am the great Leviathan.
I beat my tail and swish, swish, swish,
I drown you, bloody man. I can.

[basil ransome-davies]

My recollection is that, while Moby Dick has been harpooned, it's the entangled Ahab who dies, not the whale – or is this, so to speak, a generic whale?

[John Whitworth]

Nope, Bazza. The whale is 'stricken'. I think that means curtains. Curtains for everybody else too bar one, and serve them right, don't you think?