[John Whitworth]

Nothing for us this week, though Chris O'Carroll nearly made it. The competition looks rather challenging.


NO. 2731: Pause and effect
You are invited to provide a poem in praise of punctuation (16 lines maximum). Please email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 18 January.

[Roger Slater]

Quick first effort:


APOSTROPHE TO PUNCTUATION

Let's now praise punctuation.
The marks it makes are myriad.
The dash of hyphenation,
the dot that is a period,

the squiggle that's a comma,
together put the soul in
our language, and add drama,
as does the semicolon.

I know these days the fashion is
to mock it and attack it,
and yet I find my passion is
aroused by one plain bracket.

Quotation marks add energy
and guillemets add spark.
How to end this poem? You'll see:
An exclamation mark!

[John Whitworth]

Nice one, Roger. Is this one clear as it is?

Punctuation Verse

Hail Punctuation! Elegant Examples
Of Full Dress Language! Shall I show you samples?
Firstly, beloved by poet and by clerk,
The ? and !

: : : and ; ; ; and . . .
Keep order in our sentences, like cops.
THE UPPER CASE DENOTES THE VIP,
while lower case will do for you and me.

, , , are little tadpoles, meant for pauses
In lists of words, in phrases and in clauses.
' ' ' ' ' ' , pairs of ears, float
Above the line and signify a 'quote'.

modernist poet ee cummings banned
all punctuation but the &
*** serve to keep us all polite
When we say wh*rehouse, b*gger, f*ck or sh*te.

[Jayne Osborn]

I did find it a bit tricky to read at first, John; then I realised that you have to say the plural word for each piece of punctuation. You could, of course, submit it with the full words in, except for the last line, which would still be effective - like this:

(Your last stanza is a killer! )

Hail Punctuation! Elegant Examples
Of Full Dress Language! Shall I show you samples?
Firstly, beloved by poet and by clerk,
The question mark and exclamation mark.

Colons and semicolons and full stops
Keep order in our sentences, like cops.
THE UPPER CASE DENOTES THE VIP,
while lower case will do for you and me.

Commas are little tadpoles, meant for pauses
In lists of words, in phrases and in clauses.
Inverted commas, pairs of ears, float
Above the line and signify a 'quote'.

modernist poet ee cummings banned
all punctuation but the ampersand.
Asterisks serve to keep us all polite,
When we say wh*rehouse, b*gger, f*ck or sh*te.

[basil ransome-davies]

it's not true about e e cummings.

[John Whitworth]

No it isn't but it's true ENOUGH. I like ee cummings. It isn't totally true about inverted commas.

However -

the poet ee cummings nearly banned
all punctuation save the ampersand

or

ee cummings practically banned
all punctuation save the ampersand

how bout dat?

[Jayne Osborn]

What did you think of my suggestion to use the easier-to-read version, John? Or maybe submit both?

Of those two couplets, above, I'd go with the latter. You don't need 'the poet' before his name; it's rather like saying 'the singer Elvis Presley'.

... or what about something like

ee cummings might as well have banned... ?

[basil ransome-davies]

True or not doesn't matter, John. The poetry stands up by itself. The truest poetry is the most feigning, etc. Sometimes I feel it's the most bullshit. Our current laureate never said anything sillier than 'poetry cannot lie'.

I feel this ought to be one for those who like me were grammar schoolboys in the 1950s & really got taught punctuation, no messing, but so far I'm out of ideas. John has set the bar high here.

[John Whitworth]

I think you are probably right, Jayne. I tried it on my daughter and she thinks you are right. But I could submit two, one under a pseudonym. That's allowed, isn't it? And you're right about ee cummings.

Did she really say that, Bazza? What CAN she have meant?

[Jayne Osborn]

Did she really say that, Bazza? What CAN she have meant?

It's utter nonsense, John. They also say the camera never lies, but it bloody well does!!!

You can submit at least two, John, without needing a pseudonym. I won a 'Twelve Days' prize and I had three tries.