[John Whitworth]

My Old Mother Merkle failed to win unsurprisingly but Chris O'carroll and Bill Greenwell kept things decent with a couple of goodies.

This week it's strictly prose (unless you imagine a verse novel).

NO. 2732: seeking closure
This is a twist on the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest, which asks entrants ‘to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels’. You are invited to submit a comically appalling final paragraph to such a novel (150 words max). Please email entries, if possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 25 January.