[Jayne Osborn]

Is something done to citrus fruits, I wonder, to render them ''easy peelers''? I've never had too much trouble in peeling an orange, myself, have you? I suspect many entries will be about something other than fruit, though. Good luck everyone - Sphereans are sweeping the board lately!

Jayne

Competition
TESSA CASTRO

Competition No 202
Sales boomed this year for citrus fruits known to supermarkets as ‘easy peelers’.
A poem, please, called ‘Easy Peeler’, with any meaning. Maximum 16 lines.
Entries, by post (The Oldie, 65 Newman Street, London W1T 3EG) or email comps@theoldie.co.uk to ‘Competition No 202’ by 29th April. Don’t forget to include your postal address.

[Rob Stuart]

A policeman of loose morals, perhaps?

[Jerome Betts]

Gladys worked with a girl from Odessa
As a Tiger Bay body-revealer
Billed as 'Cardiff's World-Famed Welsh Undresser'
And 'Olga The Great Easy Peeler'.

Er, perhaps not.

[John Whitworth]

A policeman of loose morals? Certainly not. All our policemen have the highest standards. A policeman at his ease perhaps, with his boots off and his helmet too, a black cheroot sticking out under his huge policeman's moustache....

[Roger Slater]

A bellmaker, handsome and dapper,
Saw his business go right down the crapper.
The man, Easy Peeler,
Was an awful bell dealer
And failed to sell even one clapper.

[John Whitworth]

Easy Peeler

Easy Peeler on the grass,
Sat upon his splendid arse,
Swelling with his London Pride,
With his helmet by his side,
With his tunic all unbraced,
With his massive boots unlaced,
With his whistle and his truncheon,
Chomping his Policeman’s luncheon,

Easy Peeler at his ease,
With his pickles and his cheese,
With his mug of sergeant’s tea,
Sweet as sergeant’s tea can be,
One who likes to cut a dash,
Twirling his immense moustache,
Free and easy, spick and span,
Bobby dazzler, what a man!