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Old 06-21-2018, 12:42 PM
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Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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Default Bard Breath?

O tempura, o customs! I have a need to write an apologetic poem, slightly amusing if possible, about the tragedy of a late 20th century halitosis of mine (now hopefully held at bay); which (lest anyone not be informed) can be caused by undiagnosed GERD [gastric esophageal reflux disorder], spicy food, weak oral hygiene (is it I? No!), excessively sated male longing (is it I? Hardly), archaic marihuana smog (well, hardly ever), and malicious GERD. Do I repeat myself ? Very well, I repeat myself. Yet I lack ideas on how to breathe life into this aspirational poem. Thoughts, o Eratosphere carbon-based life-forms? I don't know if I can manage this project without pathos, bathos, and nachos.
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Old 06-21-2018, 01:01 PM
Simon Hunt Simon Hunt is online now
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There once was a fellow named Tice
whose GERD meant his breath wasn't nice.
No lozenge could mask it,
though his friends all would ask it.
I don't know if this helps, but as usual with Allen I'm not quite sure what he's on about although I've read his original post twice.
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Old 06-21-2018, 01:11 PM
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Ogden Nash would be proud, Simon.
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Old 06-21-2018, 01:31 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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I've moved this to Drills & Amusements, Allen, to comply with the "no poems on GT" rule.

I hope you get more offerings... but Simon's Nashian one has set the bar quite high!

Jayne
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Old 06-21-2018, 02:16 PM
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Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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The answer was simple, some say:
Not I, by a year and a day.
A lozenge, although fragrant,
Would've made me more flagrant,
So sorry! -- But I've no GERD today!

There's no way to retrieve the past,
Or bring close the people I gassed.
My ignorance weren't bliss:
I'd've stolen a kiss,
Risking slaps as though I'd trespassed.

But that GERD kept me virginal, pure.
Not what I needed, yet there was a cure.
Impulse would've prevailed
Then -- and today I'd get jailed!
GERD's ways are amazing, for sure.
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Old 06-21-2018, 03:27 PM
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Jayne Osborn Jayne Osborn is offline
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I’m sorry, this has worried me to death
for all these years, but now I have to say:
“I used to suffer badly with foul breath.”
(At last I’ve plucked the courage up, today!)

It’s not an easy thing to tell your friends –
for halitosis tends to be taboo,
but now it’s time for me to make amends:
"Apologies if I offended you."

The elephant that’s in the room has gone.
I’ve finally admitted that I stank.
It’s not a thing I want to dwell upon,
but every time I spoke the air turned rank.

A miracle – my breath’s no longer gross,
so from now on it’s safe to come quite close!
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Old 06-21-2018, 06:42 PM
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Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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Jayne, very good. If you still or ever have had this product in the UK (it is or was a type of breath mint), you should exult that you could title your work 'The Sen-Sen Sonnet, No. 1'. I would want a title for my lumbering limerick triode, except that it isn't as sublime yet as I want my holy halitosis apology to be. Still beating my head against the shower curtain.

Thanks.
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Old 06-22-2018, 02:01 AM
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Damn stuff didn't seem able to make up its mind whether it was mint or liquorice.

Did it work? Does Listerine?

Work, I mean.
.

Last edited by Ann Drysdale; 06-22-2018 at 02:04 AM.
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Old 06-22-2018, 03:42 AM
Erik Olson Erik Olson is offline
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Your stench, which even makes your stalkers scatter,
gains privacy served on a silver platter.


FIAT
The thread expressing such positions
about your breath, your weird conditions,
unfortunately, should not expect
my acquiescence in the least respect!
.

Last edited by Erik Olson; 06-23-2018 at 05:34 PM.
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Old 06-22-2018, 10:32 AM
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Allen Tice Allen Tice is offline
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Erik, methinks thy stinks requireth inks or twitter links.
Methinketh too that "maketh" do dance better than thy "makes" for rhythm's sakes.
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