[ChrisW]

[Oh look at this: a completely virgin board (not to be confused with a bored virgin) -- I must instantly mar its purity].

Dear Poet Lariat,

About a month ago, I posted an Italian sonnet in which I rhymed division/decision/collision/one. Many of my critics objected to this on the grounds that 'one' rhymes a completely unaccented syllable rather than one with primary or secondary stress.
I was aware that this meant my rhyme would be an off-rhyme -- i.e., a rhyme that falls short of full normative rhyme. But first, I was inclined to think it a rather old form of off-rhyme: Marlowe's Passionate Shepherd rhymes sing/May morning, for instance. Second, I wanted a sort of dissonance in the final line of my octave (to call into question the ideal of love elaborated in the octave).
I'm curious whether the introduction of one off-rhyme after 7 lines of true-rhyming must look inept.
Or is it the fact that I was writing a sonnet that made an off-rhyme seem inappropriate?
Or is it that this sort of off-rhyme seems worse than an off-rhyme that rhymes stressed syllables (for example: fission/dish)?
Or is it something I haven't even considered?
Can't off-rhyme be used to produce a kind of dissonance which serves meaning?

--Bemused in Boston
[My apologies for jumping onto this board before the explanation was posted. Thanks for not ruling me off the board,Tim [for your "patient stet") -- and for answering the question too!]

[This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited April 19, 2001).]

[Tim Murphy]

Dear Bemused,

I remember thinking your "one" offrhymed with a pair in the sestet! Didn't even occur to me that it offrhymed in the octave. Muy inept. Saw a reviewer dump on a Steele masterpiece, "Timothy," because he rhymed thing with sorrowing. At least the ing there has secondary stress. As for Marlowe, i' faith, the lady must hae' been drinkin'! I find it best to use off rhyme programatically, i.e. every other line, or exclusively. The latter approach can often niftily resolve itself into full rhyme in the last couplet or stanza. (Read the great Derek Mahon.)Rarely I'll throw one or two of them into a full rhymed poem at a really jarring point when I want to jolt the reader. And of course there are some poems that are so great that the poet earns himself a sloppy rhyme. Your sonnet was very fine, but not that fine.

[Michael Juster]

Auden popularized the off-syllable rhyme and many poets do it, but I don't care for it myself. I suppose there are instances where jarring dissonance might be called for, but not very often. I am OK with a three syllable word rhyming with a one syllable word, although the ing suffix is so common it isn't a terribly striking rhyme. I have used it in villanelles and intensely rhymed poems to mute the rhyme a little.

[Alan Sullivan]

Chris, to the best of my recollection I did not remark on that rhyme during the discussion of your poem. Though I used to rhyme more strictly, I have employed slant rhyme a great deal in recent years and I've had much opportunity to think about it. I suspect some of your readers balked at your rhyme in that "one" instance because you were taking two liberties simultaneously: slant rhyme, and rhyme onto an unstressed syllable. Most speakers pronounce a word like "division" with the final syllable sounding closer to "in" than "-un." This is probably too long a stretch in a sonnet, where the formal expectations are especially high. If you were using a looser pattern of rhyme, all slant, with some of the rhymes quite distant, "one" might not have jumped off the page in quite such an exceptionable way.

Alan Sullivan

[Michael Juster]

Yes, I think Alan has hit the nail on the head. For the record, I think skillful slant rhyme and pararhyme can be useful tools. I don't use them often, but do from time to time and have been thinking about some new efforts.

[Alan Sullivan]

Pararhyme? There's a new one for me. How about defining and distinguishing off, slant, and pararhyme? Is there overlap in these terms?

A.S.

[ChrisW]

Originally posted by Alan Sullivan:
Pararhyme? There's a new one for me. How about defining and distinguishing off, slant, and pararhyme? Is there overlap in these terms?

A.S.

I know, I know! Pararhyme is Owen's term for double consonant off-rhymes like 'scooped'/'escaped' or domed/redeemed (the first is one of WO's own).

Can't claim to know any difference between 'slant' and 'off'.

But is collision/one BOTH slant rhyme AND unstressed-syllable rhyming? To me it sounds like it would rhyme perfectly if 'sion' were a stressed syllable. I took it to be slant rhyme only BECAUSE it rhymed the unstressed syllable.
(don't mean to refocus everything on my own bad rhyme -- hope there's a good discussion of slant rhyme in general)



[This message has been edited by ChrisW (edited April 19, 2001).]

[Carol Taylor]

Wait a minute! How come we're all answering questions here? I thought that was the Lariat's prerogative (as his own featured guest poet). But as long as he hasn't lassoed and hogtied us, I'll sneak in my opinion for the record.

I consider rhyme, whether off or on, a feature of stressed syllables. I see only one issue here. One rhymes with zhun rhymes with shun. But vis doesn't rhyme with one. So Chris, if your intention was to produce dissonance by missing the rhyme, then you succeeded.

Carol

[Michael Juster]

See, as the lowbrow guy here, I wouldn't ordinarily know that "ion" has historically been considered an "un" rhyme, so I would rhyme to the contemporary American ear, which hears it as an "in" rhyme. Say "division" out loud. Say "transportation". I think trying to make it an "un" forces it.

[Michael Juster]

Oh yes, toss Chris a doggy treat for correctly answering Alan's question!