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I.
At
the reptile show I saw live mice being fed to pythons. The mice
were packed twenty-to-a-box and tossed by their tails to the snakes.
The scientists told me they got the mice in boxes from the pet shop
and I tried to imagine a clerk stuffing boxes with mice for their
final trip to the terrarium.
Ever
since I've looked for boxes of mice at the pet store, but they're
never put on display. I thought as a gesture I'd buy a box of white
mice to let go to make up for the mice I saw slain.
As
it is, I myself tossed a few mice to the snakes. I couldn’t see
any future for them, and I didn't think there were any green pastures
for mice who retired because Boa Constrictors ran out of appetite.
When
I was a child we kept pet finches, and I was taught not to catch
them. Birds don't like being handled and just panic and smash against
the bars of their cages. I was proud of myself if I could go three
weeks with only watching them. When I did grab one he would be warm
and soft and as fragile in my fingers as cellophane.
The
mice also were small — even smaller than finches — and one bit me
on the web of my thumb as I flung him into the mouth of a smiling
python.
I
rather liked the Boa Constrictors. They were sleek and cheerful
and urbane as they glided about the tabletops with muscular heavings
— quite good-natured and curious for cold-blooded creatures. In
the tepid climate of the display hall the snakes felt as warm and
friendly as leather armchairs and saddles.
II.
I
wonder what it’s like to be eaten alive.
My
brother-in-law watches Nature programs on television and
I don't mean just frogs swallowing flies. We can watch cheetahs
jump wild pigs and lions stagger from cobra bites until I can't
stand it anymore.
Perhaps
losing a child is like having part of you eaten and being left alive.
In
the Roman Catholic church I attend we're taught that the infant’s
a person as soon as he 'takes hold' so to speak. And I'm willing
to defend the point — but mostly because I don't like feminists,
anyway.
But,
I don't know — I'm not really sure. When does a feeling of illness
in your belly become someone you name and love and lose? It would
be idle to ask women because they probably don't know and I doubt
that they care.
Mothers
believe that their children are theirs to keep or kill, forever.
III.
The
blackbirds who nest under the eaves of my building resent my intrusions,
and drop shit when I lean out my window to smoke.
The
raccoons who scavenge the alley below are criminals. They are as
brassy at night as street gang members and peer up with red-rimmed
eyes full of hatred and fury. I believe they do know they’re trespassing
and stealing — that the garbage isn't theirs — and they mean to
challenge property lines and perhaps start a fight.
I
believe that Evolution continues and raccoons will become, in the
course of time, large shrewd predators and make a terror of the
forests, smaller towns and slum neighborhoods. I also believe they
also will carry their wicked and vindictive souls with them across
generations — and when I look down from my second-story windows
I'm glad for the distance. For I fear their present violence, and
I also don't want to create a needless offense against their Karma.
I
too may someday migrate to another body … and I never want to be
eaten alive.
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