[Harry Nicolas]

Big brother’s lens strapped to my helmet
recording a video for generations to ignore.
One final take, we stumble and jerk like children’s

heads watching late-night films.
My opponent grasps his knife.
From the kitchen, it knows only butchering.

On a warm sunny day the incessant buzzing
overhead is drowned out by the whistling
screams from our mothers to come back

inside, piercing through the sky like shells.
I lay still as a deer, hot sauce leaking out,
a trick from film school coming handy.

His knife thrusts forward, I block with all my might.
We groan and wrestle, like a suburban playdate.
He sinks to the ground next to me, bedtime looming.

I hear him whisper his order above to the
cirrocumulus intercom. “I’d like to have my
Father’s endless rants with Swiss

cheese and my wife’s Glossier perfume in a wheat
field wrap with a medium Instagram post from my
Son that is estranged”.

“Sorry we’re not serving breakfast now -
would you like to try our new 5 piece crispy
chicken nuggets?”

With the last of his strength,
he pulls two Cinnabons from his belt.
Tears away like Saturn and gifts me the sugary

eucharist and takes his. I put my arm around him.
“Hopefully we’ll go viral”. I think to myself,
fulfilling my duty to my big brother.

[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Harry,

It looks like you’ve been scarce for a while around these parts. It’s good to see you again posting! This poem continues your distinctive enigmatic style. This one appears to blend childhood play with more serious themes.

The opening stanza immediately establishes tension between innocence and violence. I'm curious about your choice of "for generations to ignore" rather than "that generations will ignore" – I’m wondering if it’s an intentional suggestion that this recording is meant to be ignored. Anyhow, I find the three-line stanza structure creates an interesting tension against the dream-like/surreal content.

The juxtaposition of "children's heads watching late-night films" with the kitchen knife "that knows only butchering" creates a powerful dissonance. The line break between the first two stanzas, and between some of the other stanzas enhance this effect.

I'm drawn to the imagery in "On a warm sunny day the incessant buzzing / overhead is drowned out" - I'm reading this as drone aircraft--even if just for filming--with the mothers' calls creating another layer of sound? The way you merge domestic and battlefield environments here is striking.

The "hot sauce leaking out" as fake blood is a brilliant touch that highlights the performance aspect while nodding to film techniques. I'm wondering if it might even be stronger as "red hot sauce..." This blurring of real and performed violence seems central to the poem.

The surreal fast-food order section takes an unexpected turn. The request for "Father's endless rants with Swiss cheese" and the estranged Son's Instagram post suggests deep longing for connection. I wonder if it be more effective by elaborating on how this section connects to the earlier imagery of mothers calling children home.

The Saturn reference works well and operates on multiple levels – mythological, astronomical, temporal, cultural, etc. It seems to connect the childish play-fighting with deeper themes of sacrifice, connection, and the tension between authentic human experience and performed/consumed experience. The Cinnabons into "sugary eucharist" that follows reinforces this transformation of a commercial product into something sacred - suggesting that even in our media-saturated, consumer-driven world, moments of genuine connection can occur.

The closing brings everything full circle with "fulfilling my duty to my big brother" - working simultaneously as literal sibling relationship and perhaps commentary on our submission to viral fame culture.

I think this is richly textured work that rewards multiple readings. I’m hoping my attempts at assimilation/interpretation more or less aligns with your intention... and that my reading isn’t off by miles!

I hope you find something useful here, Harry. Good luck with this as you revise!

Cheers,
...Alex

[Harry Nicolas]

Hey Alex, thanks for the feedback. I didn’t think about the “for” vs “that” wording I will change that. Yes you did pick up on the war,childlike, film, consumerism, social media parallels. I will say the one thing about the ending is that I intended for there two narratives happening at the same time and the war one is sinister/bleak.