[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4267
By Leonora Casement
We want limericks on the subject of . . . food adulteration.
As many as you like by 7 March comp@newstatesman.co.uk

[John Whitworth]

Wow! Let's get.... er limericking.

[Jerome Betts]

Sand in sugar and water in milk are classics, but does horse for beef count as adulteration or is it just 'passing off''? Perhaps a burger that was 30% horse would be adulteration? Any foodies out there who might know?

[John Whitworth]

I reckon horses are in.

My burger is made out of horse,
A shame and a scandal of course.
It tastes like minced shit
But I don't mind a bit
So long as they tell me the source.

My sausage is mostly dead dobbin,
Looking rather like something you'd gob in,
Plus it tastes like a turd,
But I don't say a word.
(It's a case of political jobbing.)

You know, this is fun. I once worked in a brewery in Edinburgh. Pissing in the beer was the least of it.

The beer in that boozer we kissed in
Tastes like something some bugger just pissed in,
And the pies are pure shite,
But what made it all right
Was the publican's face with my fist in

[Jerome Betts]

A bright start, John

A tourist not far from Cape Cod
Sniffed his grill and exclaimed, ‘Very odd!
I expect defunct bovine
Mixed with porcine and ovine
Not something that had to be shod!’


A diner said ‘Damn it! I’m suing!
What on earth was this beast I’ve been chewing?
Did it spend its life neighing
Or – God forbid!– braying
Instead of in lowing or mooing?’

[Brian Allgar]

Verse in the NS? What are these lefties coming to, eh, John?

I’d ordered a well-done filet
Advertised as the dish of the day.
But I felt rather silly
When I found it was filly;
One bite, and I had to say “Nay!”

Not surprisingly, Frogs will eat frogs
And other things living in bogs;
Yet even they shun
In a hamburger bun
Bits of rats, or of cats, or of dogs.

I opened a tin of fish stew,
But my misgivings rapidly grew.
What creature that’s finny
Has hooves and can whinny,
Or smells of equestrian poo?

We went to our local Chinese
With “Confucius”, our dear Pekinese.
We asked for a bowl,
But they served him up whole
With a sauce that they’d made from his fleas.

[Roger Slater]

I love to eat lobster and scallop,
And caviar, maybe a dollop,
But certainly not
A beast that can trot
Or canter, or god forbid, gallop.

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Brian Allgar

...
With a sauce that they’d made from his fleas.

That last line caps it for me, Brian. Masterful!

[Douglas G. Brown]

Originally Posted by Jerome Betts

Sand in sugar and water in milk are classics, but does horse for beef count as adulteration or is it just 'passing off''? Perhaps a burger that was 30% horse would be adulteration? Any foodies out there who might know?

Jerome,

Regarding watered milk, Thoreau remarked that finding a trout in the milk was a good example of when circumstancial evidence ought to be admissable.

Then, there is an old joke about the temperence reformer who visits a small town, and rents a lecture hall. Finding out that the local saloon's sales have increased 25 percent in the last year, she harrangues the crowd about how the town is drinking 25 percent more alcohol than before. From the back of the hall, the saloon owner shouts, "No, Ma'am ... They're drinking 25 percent more water!"

In reply to your question, I would say that 30 percent is well above the threshold for adulteration. It the horse gets above 50 percent, then it would be horsemeat that has been adulterated with beef.

Madison Avenue would use the word "enriched", and charge extra for the horsemeat; Adulteration sounds too legalistic.

I do not know any foodies, but I know a few adulterers (even an adultress or two). If I run into one on my next trip to town, I'll ask for an "expert" opinion.

[Jerome Betts]

Roger, did you mean 'supplementing'? Caddle - baddle - saddle ?
Well, not quite (yet) in UK but if you're called Leonora Casement (? real name) perhaps anything goes. Yes, the 'pure Angus' is fine, but will Leonora allow the international-National identity?

Douglas, let's hope Leonora's wording was a nod and a wink to the
equine shenanigans.