[Steve Bucknell]

1. Calm - someone posts something.

2. Critique – people say "not really, you need to rethink that, rework that." Others reassure the poster that all might be well with just a tweak here and there.

3. Defence- poster says “no, that wasn’t what I meant at all, you don’t really haven't understood my intention.” Poster states that they are listening carefully.

4. Argy - Bargy - a few more people get involved to back the critics or to agree with the poster. Someone says "That's off-topic".The first aspersions flutter into the air. Someone offers up: "I find that offensive". Tensions simmer. People return to the thread and try to sound more careful, respectful and reasonable...

5. Escalation - ...it doesn't work. Veiled insults start to appear. Rumours spread. The Thread reaches 50 replies. Participants start to think of nothing but The Thread. They begin to ruminate over what they will say next in The Thread. They don’t go to bed before checking The Thread. When they wake they’re ready to re-enter Thread World.

6. The Fray – it starts to kick off. Plaintive cries of "why can't anybody hear what I’m saying?" can be heard. Participants in The Thread find themselves not eating, not listening to what their real-life partner is saying, not even noticing what’s on TV.

7. Affray - things said on other threads are brought as evidence. Brief satirical remarks on previous threads and the psychological profiles of other Thread users are made. People accused of using The Thread for their own agenda. Outraged noises off. Some good old-fashioned harrumphing. People are wrestling, pulling at each others' clothes. Some smart-aleck writes: "Isn't it all to do with sublimated desire?" General derision is directed at this poseur.

8. Flouncification - flouncing occurs. Threats to stop posting. More posts by those who’ve threatened to stop posting. The thread now has over 100 replies. It is expanding into a Thread universe, which may collapse into a Black Hole. Stephen Hawking posts an intervention. Nobody notices.

9. Chaos Theory - moderators hover. The Thread no longer makes any sense. It veers off the original topic. People take to off-roading vehicles. New topics are found. New participants are drawn into The Thread. Lone voices appeal for calm or plead for The Thread to stop. They are told they are nothing but Cnuts. Participants swan-dive back into The Thread with lovingly crafted ripostes.

10. The Steady-State Brawl - mention of 'cliques'. Mention of “newbies who know Nothing”. Spectacular flouncing. Shouting heard in the corridors. People start talking about “snark” and “trolls”. People make veiled threats to leave, hoping that someone will say “please don’t go.” Moderators hover.

11. The Civil War - multiple flouncings and furbelows blur and whisk through the air. Accusations made of “pulling rank” and “grandstanding”. Sounds of chairs being smashed. Bonfires are built. An innocent bystander is defenestrated. Grown men weep in corners. People Laugh Loudly .The Thread now covers multiple pages. Moderators intervene. Thread locked. Thread enters folklore.