Hi Jim,
It's on the monotony of life so a really good subject to write upon, but I don't really find anything remarkable in your repeated stanza the way it is now. It doesn't vex me. Maybe you could make it still two small but solemn stanzas but use direct examples regarding sleep, eating, and waking that suggest such a monotony?
Anyway this is just my opinion, you are the author so you decide.
Cheers,
Alessio.
|
Threaded Mode
