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Unread 05-20-2025, 06:20 AM
Trevor Conway Trevor Conway is offline
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Hi Jim,

As you might have expected, I'd suggest adding more. There just isn't enough to grapple with here to get a sense of the character or the reason for writing the poem. I think loads more detail is needed. This could be an interesting character, but I have no idea from what you've presented here. It's just too sparse. What was the sense you wanted to create here - a person who is simply living out his (last) days passively?

I hope this feedback helps in some way.

Trev
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