I like this more than I though I would while I was reading it. I like the internal sonics carried off through otherwise fairly plain language. Certain details elevate the setting past cliche -- "determined mothers," "schedules" as one of the obstacles people face, the unpredictable selection of "Gordon Lightfoot" in the iPod. Meanwhile, L12 is a perfect example of the effective use of cliche. And the final line is perfect -- it all leads there.
My one nit, which I find much more distracting than I care to admit, is the comma after L8.
David R.
Last edited by David Rosenthal; 04-04-2009 at 09:42 AM.
|
Threaded Mode
