2015 ERATOSPHERE TRANSLATION BAKE-OFF
MAIN EVENT ENTRY B
Title:
"The Song of the Insufficiency of Human Endeavor" ("Lied von der Unzulänglichkeit menschlichen Strebens") from Act 3 of
The Threepenny Opera (
Die Dreigroschenoper)
Lyricist and Composer:
German lyrics by Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956); music by Kurt Weill (1900-1950)
Translator's Note:
Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill, working together in Berlin between the two World Wars, formed one of the great songwriting partnerships in the history of musical theater. "The Song of the Insufficiency of Human Endeavor" is from their masterpiece
The Threepenny Opera.
Sung Versions:
1.)
German lyrics, performed by Teresa Stratas
2.)
The contestant's English translation, performed a cappella by the Top Secret Yodeler
Commentary by Top Secret Yodeler:
This was tons of fun to sing, in part because the translator fit the sentiments to the lines so smoothly that I didn't get tripped up by any unorthodox enjambments or stresses. My first attempt at recording it was the final one. With so many songs to crank out, I deeply appreciated that.
The Competitor's Translation
The Song of the Insufficiency of Human Endeavor (from the
Threepenny Opera)
A man lives by his wits
but they do not suffice.
Just check
your head: if wits were nits
you couldn’t raise two lice.
Man is just too stupid
to make it in this life we lead;
he doesn’t even notice
all the fraud and greed.
Go on and make a plan:
you’ll be a shining star;
make all the plans you want, my friend—
you won’t get very far.
People lack the badness
to make it through this life alive
yet it is entertaining
just to watch them strive.
Run after happiness,
but careful: not too fast!
The whole world runs, but happiness
will always come in last.
Man is too pretentious
to make it in this life we’re dealt;
strive as he may, you know he
only fools himself.
A man is just no good.
So smack him on the head.
He’s bad, but if you smack him, he just
might turn good instead.
People lack the goodness
to make it through this life we’re sent;
so go ahead and smack them
to your heart’s content.
Original German Lyrics
Ballade von der Unzulänglichkeit des menschlichen Planens
Der Mensch lebt durch den Kopf.
Sein Kopf reicht ihm nicht aus.
Versuch es nur, von deinem Kopf
Lebt höchstens eine Laus.
Denn für dieses Leben
Ist der Mensch nicht schlau genug.
Niemals merkt er eben
Diesen Lug und Trug.
Ja, mach nur einen Plan!
Sei nur ein großes Licht!
Und mach dann noch 'nen zweiten Plan
Gehn tun sie beide nicht.
Denn für dieses Leben
Ist der Mensch nicht schlecht genug.
Doch sein höhres Streben
Ist ein schöner Zug.
Ja, renn nur nach dem Glück
Doch renne nicht zu sehr
Denn alle rennen nach dem Glück
Das Glück rennt hinterher.
Denn für dieses Leben
Ist der Mensch nicht anspruchslos genug.
Drum ist all sein Streben
Nur ein Selbstbetrug.
Der Mensch ist gar nicht gut
Drum hau ihm auf den Hut.
Hast du ihm auf den Hut gehaun
Dann wird er vielleicht gut.
Denn für dieses Leben
Ist der Mensch nicht gut genug
Darum haut ihm eben
Ruhig auf den Hut!
The Competitor's Literal English Prose Crib:
The Song of the Insufficiency of Human Endeavor
Man lives by his head;
his head is not enough.
Just look: on your own head
at most a louse could live.
For this life, then,
man is not clever enough.
He never even takes note of
these lies and deceit.
Yes, just go ahead and make a plan.
Just be a big shining light!
Then make a second plan;
neither one will amount to anything.
For this life, then,
man is not bad enough.
But his higher striving
is a beautiful characteristic (or procession/move).
Yes, just run after Happiness
but don't run too much.
Since everyone runs after Happiness,
Happiness runs behind them.
For this life, then,
man is not unpretentious/undemanding/modest enough.
Therefore all his striving
is only a self-deception.
Man is not at all good,
so hit him on the head (lit., hat).
If you hit him on the head
maybe he will become good.
For this life, then,
man is not good enough.
So just go ahead and calmly hit him on the head!
Commentary by Top Secret Distinguished Guest:
Delicious!
The translator took many liberties with the text in order to deliver the contemptuous humor with panache; in my opinion, most of these risks paid off richly. The first stanza's dig about nitwits made me laugh out loud.
The translation's rhyme scheme (ababxcxc in the first and third stanzas, xbxbxcxc in the second and fourth) was acceptably close to the original's (ababcdcd in the first three stanzas, aaxababa in the last). I didn't mind the slant rhyme of "dealt" and "himself" in S3.
The original actually uses the same word at the end of lines 1 and 3, except in the final stanza (when the same word is used in lines 1 and 4, and a different word appears in the end position of lines 2 and 8). The translation only employs this sort of line-end repetition in the third stanza (with "happiness"). However, the translation sprinkles repetition elsewhere, which compensated nicely for that loss, I thought.
My main complaint is that the repetend of "Denn für dieses Leben / Ist der Mensch nicht ______ genug" ("For this life, then, / man is not _____ enough") seems a bit too watered-down to me when the translation varies it:
Quote:
Man is just too stupid
to make it in this life we lead;
[...]
People lack the badness
to make it through this life alive
[...]
Man is too pretentious
to make it in this life we're dealt;
[...]
People lack the goodness
to make it through this life we're sent;
|
The anaphora of "to make it through this life" or "to make it in this life" would be strengthened if the structure of the preceding line were also made more parallel from stanza to stanza.I am still undecided about whether the more gender-specific "Man" seems more appropriate to the context than "People". But I do think a choice of one or the other would preserve the parallelism that highlights those elements that do change: not
clever enough, not
wicked enough, not
undemanding enough, not
good enough. (Or perhaps lacks the
savvy lacks the
badness, lacks the
acceptance, lacks the
goodness.)
Very tasty, nevertheless.
Bake-off Dish B--"[...]Human Endeavor"
Linear Mode
