[Rick Mullin]

Thanks for the introduction to Charlotte Mew, Mary. That's a beautiful poem, and, reading the bio at the link you provided, it seems that the she is the most central to your poem of the writers you mention by name. Maybe some kind of epigraph naming her--a line of her poetry with an attribution--would help. She is probably the least recognizable of the women you mention by their first name to most readers, even to a lot of poets. I think it would be a good idea because, assuming that I'm right about her relative obscurity, it would introduce and elevate her without changing that part of the poem. It would provide clarity.

[Hilary Biehl]

I, too, am glad to be introduced to Charlotte Mew. I had not heard of her before. Reading some of her poems on the Poetry Foundation site, I am struck particularly by "From a Window." The one shared here is also beautiful. Rick's idea of an epigraph is worth considering, though it might give too much weight to one name over the others.

[R. Nemo Hill]

I think the Charlotte popping up in the the poem is good the way it is, it kind of straddles that muddled line between fame and anonymity that suicide straddles as well.

Nemo

[Rick Mullin]

I guess I look at it much more simply. I know who Anne, Sylvia and Virginia are and what (among other things) they have in common. Charlotte involuntarily triggers.... Bronte? Did she....? No, right? That might be my problem, but there is some indication that the name adds an obscurity to a poem that is quite delicate and could use clarity at that point.

Inversely, the other names may be too familiar.~,:^)

Maybe attempt it? There may be a great line. And I suppose I could speculate on how the epigraphed name showing up where it does would add a dimension to the poem that would improve it.

Rick

[Roger Slater]

My issue is that "Virginia killed herself, and Charlotte too" might literally be read to mean that Virginia killed Charlotte. The thought comes through despite the grammar, I suppose, but to smooth that wrinkle and also tell people which Charlotte you mean, perhaps make it "Virginia killed herself, like Charlotte Mew"? This would also indirectly let us know that Charlotte died some years before Virginia.

[Mary Meriam]

Thanks again, everyone.

Glenn: I sense your kindness, though I think it’s wise to not make autobiographical assumptions about poems.

David: thanks.

Susan: I’m going with your revision. With the title, I had these two definitions in mind: "Music: a piece in which the same melody is begun in different parts successively, so that the imitations overlap." And also "the list of works considered to be permanently established as being of the highest quality.” But I can see that I was using the first definition as an excuse for confusion.

Rick: I cranked this one out over a few days, which likely made the shifts.

Hilary: Does the change in punctuation work for you?

Matt: The idea of a suicide’s “final thoughts” has been haunting me for a long time.

John: I hope this poem doesn’t suggest I see death in all of Sexton’s poetry, because I don’t.

Jim R.: Interesting thoughts.

Jayne: thanks for your suggestions!

Jim M.: You can read “sister” in any way you wish.

Nemo: gorgeous reading, a poem in itself.

Joe: Why can’t moans harmonize? I imagine a suicide would feel that death meant a place of safety.

Rick: I’m considering an epigraph, if I can find one.

Roger: bingo. I’m glad you pointed out that wrinkle, which I’ve smoothed.

[Matt Q]

Hi Mary,

I strongly preferred the original's more direct "killed herself". For me, the revision makes the act seem more abstract, and -- absent a verb -- more passive. It places the reader at more of a remove from the act, I think, and is less effective (and less striking) for it.

If you think the original wording is confusing, maybe there's a way around that the keeps the active, direct wording? "Virginia killed herself. Charlotte did too" maybe?

Originally Posted by Mary Meriam

Matt: The idea of a suicide’s “final thoughts” has been haunting me for a long time.

To be a bit clearer on my original point: there's something about "their final fall, their final thoughts", which either has to do with the repetition of "final" (and "their"), or the assonance of "fall" and "thoughts", or the combination of the two, that I find sonically flat / unappealing. If you wanted to address this -- and you might not, of course -- you wouldn't necessary have to change "final thoughts". Though I guess it's also the case that you could probably still convey the idea of "final thoughts" without that exact wording.

- Matt