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Unread 05-20-2025, 11:04 AM
Jim Moonan Jim Moonan is offline
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Location: Boston, MA
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(What about her?)

Also, what Chelsea said. This is too easy.

Here's my own quick take:

I reflect
I reject
I reimagine


Another thought: if instead of the minimalist expression of existence, you were to elaborate on each action (waking, eating, sleeping) starting each stanza with the line "I wake / I eat / I sleep"and then proceed to make much ado about nothing, it might reflect our penchant for making meaning out of meaninglessness.

I wonder if the poem as is might be elevated simply by capitalizing every word to feign some kind of importance? Like this:

He Wakes
He Eats
He Sleeps

He Wakes
He Eats
He Sleeps



The only real reason I read poetry is to be moved. Everything else is a bonus. But as is, this doesn't move me.

There is a phrase used by announcers at hockey games: "He shoots he scores!" that came to mind as I reflected on your poem. That phrase might be an interesting dark humor epigraph to the poem. The phrase is used in general to express something that has been accomplished.
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