[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4287
By J Seery
We want trainers’ advice to sportsmen on how they could benefit from the tactics and practices of politicians: what footballers could learn, say, about “taking a dive” from the synthetic indignation of MPs.
Max 150 words by 15 August comp@newstatesman.co.uk

[Brian Allgar]

Oh, God, here we go again - politics, sport, and Seery.

[Douglas G. Brown]

Anthony Weiner advises Jerry Sandusky on cybersex?

[Brian Allgar]

Now, lads and lasses, we’ve got a mixed bunch for training today - disciples from different disciplines, if I may so put it, ha, ha! - and we’re very lucky to have some words of wisdom from someone I’m sure you’ve all heard of: Tony Blair. (Stop making silly faces, Mr Wilson. Miss Jenkins, if you need to throw up, please use the Ladies’ room.)

Here’s what he has to say to you.

"For the boxers: even when you're floored, don't take it lying down.

For the golfers: take a good look at how the land lies.

For the runners: don’t be content with lying second - a quick elbow-jab will get you ahead.

For the yachtsmen: always lie close to the wind.

Remember, it’s up to you. If you’re determined, you’ll win whatever the cost to others. As you make your bed, so you must lie in it - if necessary, through your teeth."

[Graham King]

So if anyone asks by whom you'd prefer to be coached/governed, you could reply enigmatically and anagrammatically: 'Not by liar.'

[ChrisGeorge]

Some politicians could
benefit from a boot
in the bollocks.