[Graham King]

Some dig scattered bones from ancient plains,
While some seek sporting honours on a day
When their team plays - at home, or else away.
Scrutinising minute marks and stains,
Some gain forensic data for their pains:
They gather truth; bring folk to justice. May
Collecting be Man’s favoured mode of play?
Some count the rings of trees - which measured rains;
Pen haunting memory, which never leaves;
Hoard coins like silver moons and golden suns,
Or haul home herbage, gathering-in sheaves;
Some meditate, marshalling thoughts in breath.
Lifelong this, our collecting habit, runs…
Until our own in-gathering, by death.

[Martin Elster]

Hi Graham,

Thanks for explaining your ideas and the theme of your Mercury poem. I knew about its day being 2/3 of its year. And I just did a bit of research and found this helpful Wikipedia article about the colonization of Mercury, which you might well have seen:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonization_of_Mercury

As in your poem, the article mentions Mercury's valuable resources, such as (possibly) helium-3 — "an important source of clean nuclear fusion energy on Earth and a driver for the future economy of the Solar System," as well as "a crust rich in iron and magnesium silicates, with the highest concentrations of many valuable minerals of any surface in the Solar System, in highly concentrated ores."

After reading that poem again, I like it even more.

And your new, rather philosophical one ("Collect"), is excellent too. I like the chiasmus of "gathering-in" / "in-gathering." It's an interesting catalog of things people collect. The last two lines are inspired.

Question: Is the purpose of meditation to marshall thoughts or to clear one's mind of them?

[Martin Elster]

A Tornado Chaser

I chase tornados all around the Plains
like a knight-errant looking every day
for fresh adventures. Just can’t stay away.
She’d say that a devoted spouse abstains
from risky trips. I’d tell her I take pains
not to crash my jeep, yet her dismay
hung like a storm cloud when I went to play
and photograph Earth’s mightiest winds and rains.

It’s true folks sometimes lift and whirl like leaves;
yet funnel-hunting’s fun. A thousand suns
are not as grand as watching barley sheaves
rise from a ranch and vanish in a breath.
I think now, as I race one, how she runs
with Ian — safe, monotonous — toward death.

[Charlotte Innes]

Jayne: thanks for the info. And I'm happy to be here!

Martin: this one's really good. Quite moving--and chilling!

"Would" sounds slightly awkward to me in line 7, since you've just used the contraction, "she'd" in the preceding line.

I also wonder about "all" in the first line, as slight filler.

But honestly, I'm being really picky. And that ending is a killer--so to speak!

Charlotte

[Graham King]

Originally Posted by Martin Elster

Hi Graham,

...

Question: Is the purpose of meditation to marshall thoughts or to clear one's mind of them?

Martin, Thanks for your kind comments - and helping me realise Mercury's night side does get way cold (-183 degrees C, from +427 degrees C on day side). When I wrote the poem, I hadn't imagined that level of cold, from other considerations, but evidently the long 'night' and lack of blanketing atmosphere do allow a drastic cooling even of the day-heated surface.

On 'marshalling thought' in meditation - I had in mind the sense 'to place [one's thoughts] in proper rank or position' - whatever that should be (as opposed to thoughts running haphazardly and unrestrained, the thinker being led by them). I should explain I mean 'meditation' actively (a conscious focussing on something seen as worthy of sustained contemplation), rather than passively (an attempt to blank the mind of thought - if even possible, to what end? A bafflement to me.) But either way, I reckon regulated breathing to be often associated with regulated thinking - whether as cause or effect, or a bit of both, not mattering in my poem! Thanks for posing the question, prompting me to think a bit more about it.

[Martin Elster]

Charlotte - Thanks for your close reading of that poem, and I'm pleased you like it (especially the "killer ending"). Your points are, as usual, well-taken, and I tweaked accordingly.

I just spent a huge amount of time looking at popular boy names in the tornado alley states, trying to pick the best-sounding one for the last line. So I changed "Ian" to "Liam," supposedly a popular cowboy-culture name in Oklahoma, which is in the top 3 states for tornados.

[Charlotte Innes]

Is it me, or does "Liam" sound sweeter and more interesting than "Ian?" I mean, he's not meant to be very exciting right? (Now all the Ians will clobber me...) Just a thought!

Not sure about the "though" in line 7.... filler-ish?

I feel like I'm on Met!

Charlotte

[George Simmers]

The chocolate biscuits gone, he eyes the plains
Dejectedly; must each Home Office day
Produce this sense of promise leached away?
The best has vanished; this sad knowledge stains
His life. It is the disappointment pains,
Yet he has dreams enough: Theresa May
In bondage leathers ordering him to play
Extreme and dreadful games... Outside it rains
And rains, and gutters fill with autumn leaves.
November! Month of fogs and pale white suns;
A month when hopes are harvested like sheaves,
'No chocolate,' he growls with savage breath
But fights despair; on her his fancy runs:
Theresa, whose dark eyes are fierce as death.

[John Whitworth]

George, this is delightful, quite worth getting out of bed for. May you win £25! Or even £30!

Oh God, Charlotte, all the fashionable people are calling their boys Liam. It makes them sound like terrorists or bloody folk singers.

[Brian Allgar]

George, goodness knows that this thread (which must have broken some kind of record) has produced an extraordinary number of splendid pieces, but this one stands out for being hilarious. I think my favourite line is

xx'No chocolate,' he growls with savage breath

I agree that the 'disappointment' line reads a bit awkwardly. What about:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxSuch disappointment always pains,
xxYet he has dreams enough ...