[Brian Allgar]

I dunno what a French Christmas is like, John. I always spend it with my family in England, and Francoise with hers in France, then she joins us in England on Boxing Day.

One Santa has now been defrocked,
As it were, for an act that has shocked
Both country and city.
What he did, more's the pity,
Can't be told, or the thread might be locked.

Jerome, in the interests of truth, civic duty, and pure filth, I fear I must reveal all:

The News of the World is no more,
But stories continue; I saw
That Santa votes Labour -
He wielded his sabre,
And Cameron feels a bit sore.

(Aaaarghhh! Still haven't packed the car.)