[Jerome Betts]

Just had a Premium Bonds win ( a measly £25 before you all get too excited) and the accompanying slip invites me to share my Ernie moment with the following:

You've won a prize, a delight for the eyes
A feeling of bliss you don't want to miss
Your heart beats much faster, your senses aware
It's moments like these we all want to share . . .

Can anyone come up with a reply to this NSI copywriter?

[Douglas G. Brown]

Thanks for the check, and your versified letter;
But a larger amount would make me feel better.

[Jerome Betts]

Nice! They call it a warrant, so would adjust the first line to Thanks for your warrant and versified letter.

[Ann Drysdale]

Yes, the twenty-five that used to be fifty in the days before they raised the maximum holding limit... (sigh).

I have an arrangement whereby anything I win is automatically used to buy more of the things, so my reply would probably be a sanitised equivalent of "up yours".

But, fair play, it's a pleasing human touch, though I must admit Douglas's response will take some beating.

[Matt Q]

I was aiming for a ruder ending, as you can probably imagine from the first two lines, but ended up with this one:

What kind of a prize could delight a man’s eyes
and engender a feeling of bliss?
As yet nothing I’ve found for twenty five pounds.
So please send me more money than this.

[Charlie Southerland]

What would it matter to you
if my wallet were fatter?, and who
cut the prize in two?, to flatter
the boss and shatter the few?–
the latter, you shrew.

[Erik Olson]

As shady draftsmen, promising Versailles,
Give an eye-soar, you pitch a wondrous lie.
That penny's-worth is pity-full; no jackpot
Nor letter proved its author such a crackpot.
As generous gifts return the more we love it,
Who gives but s--t, you, take it back and shove it!

.

[Brian Allgar]

“A feeling of bliss” - are you taking the piss?
Expect me to dance a cotillion?
Your twenty-five quid would be scorned by a kid,
And what have you done with my million?

[Erik Olson]

Because the prize
That you downsize,
Feelings of bliss
Come not from this:
Pissed feelings flair.
O please do share
And make aware
Your editor
Should edit more.
What makes my day
Is if you pay--
That words can't say.

[Jerome Betts]

Good one, Brian. Where indeed is that million? I look forward to the day when I pay in a PB warrant for a sum sufficiently large to wipe the pitying smile off the bank clerk's face.

As the years roll past this once sanguine life-journeyer
It's clear that your bonds are no nice little Ernier.