[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Alexandra,

I like the sounds you make and the poetry that results. Sometimes there's a trade-off though when poets go after the surprising word, the lilting phrase, the knitted sounds, and a snag or two result. i think Carl and Susan found some that on first reading I missed. Here're some ideas to consider that might address some of their points and also to my mind tighten the narrative a bit and bring out the self-effacing humor of the N a little more:

She glides. I curl and crumple in a heap—
with usual neck and stomach pain, one thumb
is plunged into a knotted trigger point.
Onscreen, Kamila slides, a slip of ribbon
stretching, swirling, flying swift as silkspin
across the white and winter-like ellipse.

. . . She’s out and back, unfazed by my collapse.
Once more, my fate is widening the gaps
that keep me from my inner champion.
My bids for gold mean getting basics done
in sport against myself—not art, not power.
Meanwhile, Kamila’s budding like a flower,

twisting high in air, a skybound Whew!,
then lands, “Boléro” surging through each cell.
Ah, what a dash she cuts when doing well
what fortune has allotted her to do!
I’m striving too, but haven’t budged an inch
where, plopped on rug, I give a twinge a pinch.

All the best,
Jim